


Between Two Desires

by Misterdevere



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Harry Hart Lives, M/M, Oral Sex, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, References to Depression, Relationship Negotiation, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:40:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26706145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misterdevere/pseuds/Misterdevere
Summary: Harry Hart returns from the dead. He didn't expect his husband to have moved on quite so much in two years but is it too late to win him back?
Relationships: Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin, Merlin/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Comments: 89
Kudos: 63





	1. Honey, I'm Home

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my new baby!
> 
> Updates will be Mondays and Fridays for the next few weeks and I'll update tags as we go.

"Honey, I'm home." Eggsy and Merlin almost gave themselves whiplash with how quickly they turned towards the familiar voice.

"Oh my god. Harry."

"Fuck me."

"Well don't all jump up at once," Harry rolled his eyes at the two of them sat frozen in place. At that, the pair of them leapt at him, between them almost crushing him in a hug. Merlin was the first to loosen his grip, followed closely by Eggsy, who pulled away but kept one hand on Harry's shoulder as if he might evaporate if he let go.

"I don't understand." Eggsy broke the silence, a strange mix dancing across his face of confusion, happiness, disbelief, relief and...anger? Disappointment? They were the last things Harry expected to see. "I mean this is amazing, I just...how?"

"Jesus. I can't believe you're here, you're alive." Merlin let the tip of his fingers just barely brush the skin around Harry's eyepatch, and Harry smiled at him softly. "I'll, um...why don't I make us all some tea and we can...talk."

At both of the other men's nods, Merlin went to turn away, only to be stopped by Harry's hand on his cheek. "You don't know how good it is to see your face again." Merlin leant into the touch slightly and smiled back at him. Eggsy chose that moment to let his hand fall away, deciding it was an intimate moment that he shouldn't be a part of. At least that's what Harry assumed - he missed the look of hurt that flashed across Eggsy's face, but Merlin didn't.

They finally settled themselves, each of them clutching their mugs and an awkwardness hanging in the air. Harry gave in to it first - he was the one with the explaining to do, after all. "So, as you've gathered by now, I am in fact not dead. Injured, certainly, but alive nonetheless."

"Where have you been? It's been over two years, Harry." Merlin set his mug down, his focus too far from it not to drop it otherwise.

"Well, I was in hospital for most of it, a gunshot to the head tends to cause some damage. I ended up in a private facility, I was in a coma for almost six months, I had a dozen surgeries, complications during which set me back further. It was about a year before I could even start to recover outside of a hospital bed. Then it was months of rehab and counselling and speech therapy and physio. Even with the best team in the States, it has been a difficult process, and one much longer than I'd have liked."

"You never were a patient man," Merlin said with a fond sort of laugh in his voice. They spoke about it with such nonchalance that you could easily believe Harry had just been on an extended holiday.

"Yes, well, I do have other strengths. It was only a couple of months ago that I was finally back on my feet, so to speak. Since then, I've been trying to get home."

"Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't anyone tell us? It's been a couple of months, yeah? You could've called us or something, we would've come and got you." That sounded ridiculous to Eggsy's ears as soon as he said it - it wasn't like Harry had needed a lift home after missing the last bus.

"Quite simply, I had no way of telling you, I had no contact with the outside world. I'm still not certain who it was that was keeping me or why but it seems they needed me better so I figured I was safe until I recovered, and planned my escape in the meantime. As soon as I was fit to, I left before I could find out what they wanted." Harry took a long drink, clearly stalling before he continued. "After that, I heard what happened, of course. And with the utmost respect to the two of you, I had no way of knowing who I could trust until I came back to see for myself whether or not Kingsman was still standing and who was standing with it. In hindsight, that was foolish of me."

"Nah, it makes sense. We lost four others including Chester, no one expected that."

"I see Bedivere wasn't one of them. Being Arthur suits him. If his merciless questioning doesn't say 'head spy' I don't know what would. And Kingsman will be all the better for not having Chester King leading it."

"So is this you back? Can I expect to have you on the other end of my comms line any time soon?"

"Possibly. I'm going to be something of a lab rat for a while. Apparently I've had some techniques used on me that medical would like to look into. And Arthur expects I might have some technology rattling around in here that could be reverse engineered, and that you might have some to test on me. That should give him enough time to assign me a new code name, it appears my old one's been taken."

Eggsy threw his hands up in an exaggerated shrug. "Sorry about that, bruv."

"Oh. Here's me bleating on about myself. It appears we have some catching up to do." Harry gave a pointed look towards the ring on Eggsy's finger. Eggsy's eyes went wide, then quickly flicked to Merlin before settling on the ground in front of him. He suddenly felt like a schoolboy in trouble with the headteacher. Harry looked between the two of them, also spotting the ring on Merlin's finger that he most definitely had not put there. "Oh. I see."

"I think you two need to catch up more than we do. I should be going anyway, I promised I'd take my sister out. I haven't seen her in ages, you know how it is." Eggsy wrapped Harry in another tight hug on his way to the door. "I'm really sorry, mate. It's good to have you back, we'll talk tomorrow, yeah?" Harry nodded with a warm, if slightly tight, smile.

Merlin excused himself too and followed quickly after Eggsy. "Are you okay?"

"Are any of us? It's fucked up, init?" Merlin nodded, then raised his eyebrows, his question still standing. "I'm fine. Y'know, considering the circumstances. You alright? You don't have to deal with this right now, y'know. It's alright if you need a bit of time to digest it or whatever."

"Yeah, same here. And I think I do, leaving it to fester won't make it any easier. You don't need to leave, I'd rather not see you go off on your own."

Eggsy placed his hands on either side of Merlin's face. "Just once, will you worry about yourself instead of me? You two need to sort this out without me there to complicate things. And I'm already running late. So you stay here and figure this out as much as you can, I'll go and pick my sister up, probably get shouted at for being late and take her out for a bit, then I'll see you at home? Or I can stay at my mum's if you need a bit of space."

"You'll do no such thing. I'll see you at home." Merlin turned his head to kiss Eggsy's palm. "I love you."

Eggsy reached up to kiss Merlin's cheek. "I love you, too. Call me if you need me, yeah?" At Merlin's nod, Eggsy gave him a quick wink and sprinted off, leaving Merlin to ready himself to face Harry alone.

Harry busied himself making fresh tea while he waited for Merlin to return, pushing one mug into his hand when he finally did and clutching his own tightly. "So. You and Eggsy? How long have you been together?"

"It was about 8 or 9 months after...you know. It's our wedding anniversary next month."

"Eight or nine months?! 28 years together, 10 years of marriage, and you move on before my body's even cold! Except there was no body, I was still there the whole time."

"How was I supposed to know?! We searched for you for months. We did what we had to do for those first few weeks and then as soon as everything was stable enough for us to stop working around the clock, we fell apart. Looking for you, hoping that you'd come back, or at the very least that we'd have a body to bury, was all that kept us going. For months." Merlin paused, willing Harry to meet his gaze with no luck. "We searched hospital records, coroners reports, police reports, everything we could find hoping to find someone that matched your description or anything that might lead us to you. Wherever you were, it wasn't anywhere that we could find. Eventually, we had to accept that we weren't going to find you. It was difficult, for both of us in different ways, but no easier for one of us than the other. We weren't planning on it, we weren't looking for it to happen, but we were each exactly what the other needed exactly when we needed it. I'm sorry if it seems unfeeling of me but I couldn't let someone else slip away."

Harry stared down at his mug, looking to anyone else completely disinterested in the conversation, but 28 years had allowed Merlin to know him better than that. He was hurt and it showed. He cleared his throat before he spoke. "Well then, I expect you'll be wanting a divorce so that you can marry him properly."

A frown set itself deep into Merlin's face. "I'm sorry?"

"Well it doesn't count if you're already married, which we still are. I assume you'll want to change that." Harry gave a light shrug. "Unless you want to wait until the honeymoon phase passes, just to be sure. Or unless you want to go back to how things were. He's young, he'll bounce back. And it's not like it's been long anyway."

Merlin's jaw clenched involuntarily, fortunately acting quicker than the rage that sparked in his brain. "Stop that. You were glad to see that ring on his finger before you realised I put it there. Don't pretend that you don't care about him just because you're jealous."

"Excuse me if I'm not my usual charming self, I wasn't exactly expecting to come home to find my husband married to someone else! Am I to stop pretending we don't both know how he felt about me, too?"

Merlin shook his head with an incredulous laugh. "That's low, even with as much of a nasty bastard as I know you can be, but it's got nothing to do with anything now. He loved you - of course he did, how could he not? - but he doesn't any more. I'm no one's consolation prize."

"Well," Harry cleared his throat again, "that makes one of you."

"You watch your mouth."

Harry raised his hands in mock surrender. "Does the same go for you? You used to love me and you don't any more?"

"Oh come on now, that's hardly a fair question."

"But one that needs answering. I'm sure Eggsy would agree." And wasn't that the truth.

Everything in him wanted to welcome Harry back with open arms, to fall back madly in love with him and pick up where they left off. Or, more accurately, he wanted to want that, and a year and a half ago he would have without so much as a second thought. But now there was Eggsy. Eggsy, who saw him shattered into a million tiny pieces and painstakingly put them all back together; Eggsy, who always gets up early to make him breakfast in bed on his days off; Eggsy, who admittedly makes a bit more mess on missions than is strictly necessary and flies off the handle a bit too quickly, but in the most endearing way possible. The man who grins at rain like a loon, who sings to his dog, who gets pissed off at contestants because he never gets to prove that he could be a millionaire. Eggsy, who he loved more than life. But more than Harry? Was it even fair to compare the two?

In any case, he couldn't destroy what he had now even if he wanted to, not that he did. As guilty as it made him feel, he couldn't even bring himself to wish Harry had come back sooner, not when that would mean never having been with Eggsy. Of course if he'd known Harry was alive, his life would be much simpler but that wasn't a train of thought worth entertaining. Maybe the choice wouldn't be his to make after all; maybe this would all prove too much for Eggsy.

"I know that this is difficult for you and I apologise for my earlier...insensitivity. But in all seriousness, your silence isn't particularly helpful in this instance."

"Right. Sorry." Merlin scrubbed a hand over his face and took a deep breath. "I still care about you, and you don't love someone the way that I loved you and expect it to just go away, but things are different now. It's complicated, I need to process this, talk to Eggsy. I mean, I can't even believe you're here."

"Of course."

"I'm sorry, Harry, I really am." He placed a hand on Harry's knee, getting a weak smile for his effort. "Did you really think everything would be smooth sailing coming back?"

"No, but I didn't think it would be quite so rough, either. I'm sorry to have sprung it on you like this. On both of you." He let out a small laugh. "To be honest, I half expected you'd be twiddling your thumbs waiting for me to come home."

"Well, I see a bullet to the head hasn't ruined your confidence."

"Not in the slightest. I could demonstrate if you like." Harry stood and stepped closer to Merlin, stroking his cheek. "Remind you how good we were together."

"Harry..." Harry leant down and kissed him, surprisingly sweet. "Harry, please don't make this harder than it already is. I'm a married man, for heaven's sake."

"Married to me. You were a married man when you jumped into bed with someone half your age." He could feel Harry smile against the corner of his mouth, no spite in his words.

Merlin couldn't help but smile back. "You make it sound so seedy, it's not, and that was different." He gently pushed Harry away with a hand on his chest. "Really, you need to stop."

Harry didn't give in, he kissed his way towards Merlin's ear while his hand slid across his chest. "Tell me you don't want this."

Merlin turned his head to look him in the eye. "I don't. Not now, not like this. Eggsy means the world to me, I can't do that to him."

"Oh come on, for old times sake." Harry kissed him again, his hand sliding down towards his crotch.

Merlin pulled away and grabbed his hand in a bruising grip. "Harry, I said no. And it seems we're past talking so I think you should leave."

Harry stepped back and nodded stiffly. "Right. Well, I think I've made my position quite clear. Let me know when you've thought things through." He smoothed his jacket then turned sharply and headed out of the room.

"Harry," Merlin called after him just as he reached the door. "I'm glad you're back. I missed you."

"The feeling's mutual, my love." Harry flashed him one more small smile before he left.


	2. Spousal Resurrection for Dummies

Eggsy was asleep on the sofa when Merlin got home. No doubt running around after his sister had tired him out and he'd lost the battle to stay awake long enough to see him. He jumped awake as Merlin placed a kiss on his head. "You're back!"

"There's no need to sound so surprised." Merlin dropped down next to Eggsy and put an arm around his shoulder, pulling him tight against his side. "I told you I'd see you at home."

"Yeah, I know." Eggsy blushed and burrowed deeper into Merlin's side. "You alright?"

Merlin sighed, combing his fingers through Eggsy's hair. "I'm fine. It's just a lot to handle, isn't it?"

"I'd say so, yeah. How did it go?"

"About as well as could be expected. I don't think this was quite the welcome home he expected."

"Was he angry?"

"Mm, not really. More upset, I think. He wants me back."

"Well that goes without saying, don't it?" He craned his neck to look up at Merlin. "Did he say that?"

"Not in so many words, but he made himself quite clear. He was pretty adamant."

"You mean he tried it on." Eggsy pulled away only slightly and narrowed his eyes at Merlin. "What happened?"

"He kissed me."

"Is that it? I don’t blame you, I just wanna know.” Eggsy flashed a small grin, trying to lighten the mood. “I wanna jump your bones after two weeks away, can’t even imagine what two years would be like.”

“That’s it. He tried for more, I said no.” He pulled him closer again and pressed another kiss to his head. “Told him I couldn’t do that to you.”“Did you really?” He felt Merlin’s nod. “And that’s all that happened?”

“Look at me.” Merlin nudged Eggsy gently with his shoulder and waited until he did. “You’ve always trusted me. Well, nearly always. Since that whole parachute thing, at least. Now’s not the time to stop. I promise you, that’s all that happened, okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Merlin smiled warmly at him. ”How are you doing?"

"Honestly? I ain't got a fucking clue. Not that I’m the one you should be concerned about. It’s sort of none of my business, init? It’s you I’m worried about.”

“Of course it’s your business, and of course I’m worried about you.”

Eggsy shrugged. “Still…”

Merlin hummed his understanding, leaving a long silence before he spoke again. "Well, I don't think this is going to help but there's something you need to know." Eggsy shoved away from him and looked at him with a frown, waiting for him to go on. “About Harry, obviously. Since he never really died, he and I are still married. Which means that technically...you and I never were."

"Right. Shit, yeah, I didn't even think about that." Eggsy pushed further away, completely out of Merlin's grip. This was it. He'd been waiting for Merlin to decide he was taking Harry back and he was done settling for Eggsy, but he hoped - maybe naively - that them being married might make that a bit more difficult. But now Harry was back, Merlin was his, the house was even still half his - there was nothing to stop Merlin's life going back to how it was before. He fiddled with the ring on his finger, staring down at it just to look anywhere but at Merlin, and realised that even that was meaningless. Not to him, obviously, and he hoped not to Merlin, but it didn't mean anything in any real sense. "So...what does that mean?"

"Don't. I know that look, I know what you're thinking. Don't." Eggsy didn’t answer, just pulled his legs up to sit cross-legged and leave some space between them. “Even after this long, you still don’t understand how much I love you, do you? There is nothing in this whole world that would change that, that would make me question all of this,” he gestured between them and to the house around them.

“Nothing except Harry, or we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. All this weren’t mine to begin with, it was Harry’s. I even sort of thought you’d bring him back with you.” He stopped Merlin as he started to protest. “I’m not looking for you to comfort me or whatever, this ain’t about me, it’s about you and Harry. It’s shit, I know, but this is all on you now. I mean you can’t deny that we wouldn’t be together if he’d never died, so now you’ve gotta decide if it’s actually me that you want or if I was just a replacement for him. Because if that’s what I am, you don’t need me any more. You’ve got the real thing.” Eggsy looked down as tears filled his eyes and fell despite him trying to stop them. He quickly brushed them away. “Just…if you’re gonna leave me, please just tell me now.”

“That’s not what you are, Eggsy.”

“Don’t just say that, don't tell us what you think we wanna hear, you need to think-“

“I don’t, not about that. That's never what you were.”

Eggsy bit down on his lip but forced himself to meet Merlin’s eye again. “Do you still love him?”

“Eggsy…” Merlin gave him a pleading look.

“It’s alright. Just…do you?”

“Yeah.” It was so quiet Eggsy barely heard it but his eyes still spilled over a little more when he did.

“Fuck. I’m sorry, I need a minute.” Eggsy sped off the the bathroom and held his hands over his mouth to quiet his sobs as they wracked his body. A couple of minutes later, Merlin was tapping on the door and softly calling after him. He forced himself to regain some composure, splashed some water on his face and opened the door. “I’m sorry. I know this is hard enough for you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, darling.” Merlin pulled him into a hug and kissed the top of his head. “Tell me why you’re so upset. I know it’s obvious but specifically.”

Eggsy pushed away from him again, his eyes still damp but managing to keep himself under control. “Because I know that he wants you back and I know that you’ll go back to him. You can’t not, you won’t be able to help it.” Merlin opened his mouth to argue but Eggsy cut him off with a shake of the head. “Maybe you don’t know it yet but I know that you will.”

Merlin swallowed down his denial. Maybe Eggsy was right. Maybe it was inevitable, maybe he wouldn’t be able to resist and he just hadn’t realised that yet. “Will you come and sit back down?”

“Okay.” Eggsy followed him back through and took back the same spot, some space between him and Merlin. “So you’re still in love with Harry. D’you still love me?” Eggsy stared at his own hands in his lap, not wanting to see the answer written across Merlin’s face.

“Of course I do! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“Do you wanna be with him? Not thinking about me, if nothing else mattered, would you?” Merlin nodded with another quiet confirmation, avoiding looking at Eggsy too. He couldn’t stand to break his heart but he couldn’t lie either. “Do you, um…do you still wanna be with me?”

"I think," Eggsy had to force himself to swallow around the lump in his throat. What does he mean 'I think'? He didn't have to think about Harry. "That might be the only thing that I'm absolutely certain about."

"Right, well then I guess I'll...wait, you...oh. I thought-"

"I know what you thought. I told you, don't. I wish I could tell you for sure how this is going to pan out but I don’t know, I’m sorry. I know that I love him but I know that I don’t want to leave you. I don’t know how that fits together but it’s the truth.“ He reached a hand back out to Eggsy, who only hesitated for a moment before folding back against Merlin's side. "I think I might be doing this all a bit wrong."

"How d'you mean?"

"For a minute there, I hoped that I was dreaming it, that he wasn't actually back. Then I asked him to leave." Merlin dropped his head back and stared up at the ceiling with a heavy sigh. "The man's just risen from the dead, for Christ's sake, and I sent him away. What kind of person does that?"

"It's not like you sent him away forever, is it? And to be fair, this probably hasn't happened to many people. Or any. I don't think there's a standard way to react."

"Yeah, but if there were, I don't think it would be this. You know, a lovers' embrace, a few tears, that sort of thing." Eggsy snorted at his mocking tone. "I don't think turning him away and then going home to your new husband would make it into Spousal Resurrection for Dummies."

"I don't think there'd be a massive demand for it anyway." Merlin hummed and laughed softly at the ridiculousness of it. Eggsy shifted to look at him properly. "That don't matter, y'know. Just do what you've gotta do, don't worry about anyone else. And there's no rush, I know it's gonna take a bit of time to figure out, I'm sure Harry does too. And I meant what I said about staying at my mum's for a bit as well. I can if you need me to."

"I appreciate that but no, I'd rather have you here. As long as you want to be, of course."

Eggsy smiled sadly at him. "Nowhere else I'd rather be."

"Did you mean the other thing you said, about all of this being Harry's? Is that really how you feel?"

Eggsy shrugged. "It don't matter how I feel, it's true either way. You're _his_ bloke, it's _his_ house, I'm living his life. I've even got his fucking code name."

"Have you always felt like this? Why didn't you say something?"

"It crossed my mind a couple of times but it's never mattered before."

"I still wish you'd told me." He felt Eggsy shrug against him again, then heard the yawn he tried to stifle. "Right, I think that's quite enough excitement for one day."

They slowly got ready for bed and crawled under the covers. Eggsy had been exhausted sitting downstairs but now sleep was the furthest thing from his mind. He brushed his fingers absentmindedly across Merlin's chest as he thought over everything that had happened that day and what might happen the next. He waited until he felt sure Merlin was asleep before he whispered to him, "I'm really scared, babe.”

He didn't expect Merlin to whisper back, "Don't be."


	3. Into the Lion's Den

Eggsy woke with the sun the next morning but Merlin was already gone. He stumbled half asleep down to the kitchen, where Merlin was staring into his coffee as if it held all of life's answers. "You're up early."

Merlin jumped, having been too lost in his thoughts to notice Eggsy come down. "Couldn't sleep."

Eggsy poured a cup of coffee for himself and sat down opposite him. "Wanna talk about it?"

Merlin groaned. "Not particularly."

"Fair enough. Are you going in today?"

"Yeah, I have some paperwork to get out of the way. It doesn't have to be done until next week but lord knows I could use the distraction." Eggsy hummed his agreement. "How about you?"

"Dunno. Kinda wanted to see Harry but I don't think that's such a good idea." He may have understated just how terrifying a prospect that was but this was not the time to be dramatic.

"No, you should.” Merlin smiled. “He'll be pleased to see you, don't let him convince you otherwise."

Eggsy shifted nervously in his seat. “What if he asks about you or y'know, what's happening?"

“Tell him to ask me himself. You’ll be fine.”

“Hm, we’ll see. I better get ready then.” Eggsy grabbed both of their empty mugs to wash them up, giving Merlin a quick peck on the cheek on his way past. "Into the lion's den, I go."

"Eggsy, I don't want any of this to change things between us."

Eggsy turned and leant back against the sink. "But?" Merlin rubbed at his temples. "I know there's a 'but', it's alright. Whatever it is, it's fine."

"I don't want this to change things between us, I really don't." He sighed heavily. "But I can't not be with him. It would be like losing him all over again, but I’d be reminded of it every day. So what am I supposed to do about that?"

He knew this would happen. His heart was completely crushed in that moment but he forced himself not to show it; he didn’t want to make things any harder for Merlin than they already were. “It's not easy, I know."

"No, that was a serious question. Please tell me, what am I supposed to do here? Because I can't choose between you, Eggsy. I'm sorry, but I just can't. I don’t know what to do."

"Well...who says you have to?" Merlin turned to look at him, confused. "I told you, do what you've gotta do. If you don't wanna choose, I'm not gonna make you. I'd rather share you than lose you, you get me?"

"And Harry strikes you as the sharing type, does he?"

"Not really, but he strikes me like he'd do anything for you."

“You’re probably right about that, actually.” Having both of them hadn’t even entered Merlin’s head as a possibility, but now that it had been brought to his attention, it did sound rather appealing. “Would you really be happy with that?”

“Well, I mean I can’t say for sure but it’s worth a try, init? Worth thinking about at least?” Merlin half shrugged, half nodded. “The more important question is, would you? ‘Cause if you wouldn’t, it don’t matter what me and Harry say.”

“Like you say, it’s worth a try. I’ll think it over and speak to Harry tomorrow. I need a quick shower, then we might as well go in together?” Eggsy nodded, pushing away from the sink to finally go and get ready like he said he was going to ages ago. Merlin grabbed him on his way past and pulled him in for a kiss. “You’re brilliant, do you know that?”

“Oh, shut up.” Eggsy shoved him playfully but returned his kiss. “And hurry up, I’m not waiting around all day for you.”

Eggsy quickly found out where in the estate Harry was staying and gently knocked on the door. Maybe if he was quiet enough, Harry wouldn't hear and he wouldn't actually have to face him, but he could technically still say that he tried. He had no such luck and within seconds was face to face with his mentor/friend turned love rival.

"Alright, mate?" He started weakly.

"Eggsy. I'm not sure I quite expected to see you." He took a step back and motioned for Eggsy to enter. "Can I get you a drink or anything?"

"Nah, I'm good thanks." Actually, an entire bottle of whisky didn't sound like the worst idea but that might have been a bit excessive, especially at 11am. Probably best to leave it. Harry gestured for him to sit before he got himself a drink and joined him. "So what's it like being back here?"

"It's strange, I have to admit. A lot's changed while I've been away." It was hard to tell if Harry was making a dig at him or if it was just his anxiety about the whole situation making it feel that way. Either way, he let it slide. "Someone new at the head of the table, for a start. And I'll have to retrain, learn how to be an agent with this thing in the way," he waved vaguely towards his eye patch.

"Is that all that's wrong with you?" Harry raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry, that came out wrong. It's just I thought the side effects of getting shot in the head might be a bit more than an eye patch."

"I did say I had the best team in the country."

"Yeah but _how_?" Harry stared at him blankly. What was he expecting? A full medical analysis? "I don't mean to be nosy or nothing, it's just sick. I mean our lot are fucking mint but I don't think even they could pull that off."

"Well we still don't know who they are but once we do, feel free to congratulate them on a job well done." Eggsy looked for a moment as if he was seriously considering it. "In fact I imagine one or two of them might be looking at a position here, assuming their motives aren't too sinister."

"Well, it only seems fair. They fixed you up for us, after all. Not on purpose but still." Harry laughed softly. "Seriously though, it's good to have you back in the K."

"My god, he really has rubbed off on you, hasn't he?" Harry politely ignored Eggsy's slight blush. "I hear you're quite the success story. You were one of the best candidates we've ever seen - certainly the best we've ever seen fail - I knew you'd prove yourself somehow. I know I can't take credit for it but I'm incredibly proud of you."

"Don't be stupid, of course you can take credit, you're the whole reason I'm here." Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head. Apparently an extra two years hadn't taught Eggsy to stop selling himself short. "Thanks, though. That's good to hear. It means a lot."

Harry smiled at him warmly, a smile that was reflected right back at him. "How's your mother? And your sister? Are they well?"

"Yeah, they're great. They're safe and happy, couldn't ask for more than that." A grin took over Eggsy's face. "Life's good for all of us."

"That's good. I'm glad." Harry looked down at his cup, swirling the remnants of his drink in the bottom. "Yours is particularly good, I know. I remember it well."

"Don't be like that, please, we're having a nice conversation."

"I do apologise." Eggsy nodded in acceptance. "But it was quite a shock to come home and find you've replaced me in every meaningful aspect of my life."

"You know what, this sounds fucking stupid but I can't think of a better way to put it." Harry stared at him expectantly. "I'm sorry I stole your life, alright? But it’s not like I meant to.”

"Yes, well now if you're done borrowing it, I'd like it back."

Eggsy shook his head "That's not my call to make, or yours."

"And did my husband happen to mention where he sees this going while you were in my bed with him last night?" Eggsy just glared at him. "Or perhaps eating breakfast at my kitchen table this morning?"

"Don't be a prick."

Harry looked completely unfazed, not so much as an eyebrow raised. "Do you know what he's planning to do?"

Eggsy shrugged and jutted his chin out. "Ask him yourself."

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’, shall I?” Eggsy crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. “Well, may the best man win.”

“Why are you being like this? We were mates two minutes ago, and now you’re acting like I had some big, elaborate plan to take over your life, as if you don’t know both of us better than that. It weren’t my fault you weren’t here.”

“Perhaps not, but you seem to have fallen into it easily enough.”

“Easy? Fucking easy? Is that how you think it’s been for us?” Harry at least had the decency to look a bit remorseful but it didn’t matter. Rage flared inside Eggsy. “Which bit, exactly? D’you think it was easy watching you get shot? Or when I had to kill Arthur or Gazelle or Valentine or any of the dozens of other people in between? What about when we didn't sleep for days at a time, or when I had to force Merlin to eat, because all we were doing was looking for you? D'you know he nearly left? He told Arthur he couldn't give a shit about his job and the only reason he was still here was because he needed the resources to find you. Or when he finally accepted that you weren't coming back and I had to help him pack your stuff up because he couldn't even look at it, was that the easy bit? Maybe instead of having a pop at me you should be counting yourself lucky that he's still here to come back to, because I do. You were in a coma, you’re the one that had it fucking easy.”

Harry scoffed. "And I bet you couldn't wait to get any trace of me out of the way, could you?"

"Are you taking the piss? D’you know Chester tried to invite me in on all that bullshit? D’you know what I said to him?” Harry raised his eyebrow in question. “I told him I’d rather be with you. And seeing how you are now, thank fuck I got over that.”

“And I suppose Merlin was the next best thing, was he? Just as I’m certain you were for him. I was the love of his life, you do know that, don’t you?” Eggsy scoffed this time and muttered an insult or two. He knew that Harry had a mean streak, he’d even had it turned on him, but he’d never expected him to be quite this nasty. Harry plowed on, ignoring his reaction. “And he is mine, of course. I wouldn’t fool myself into thinking otherwise if I were you. I certainly wouldn’t get my hopes up.”

“You can be a right wanker, d’you know that? Us getting together had nothing to do with you, don’t flatter yourself into thinking it was to fill some massive gap that you left or some other bollocks. And I don’t know what you want from me, it’s not even my decision.”

“Well, it’s not entirely out of your control.”

“What, you want me to roll over, do you? Make it easy for you, is that it? D’you want me to just leave?”

“Yes!” Eggsy was taken aback for a moment, then pushed out of his seat with a muttered ‘wow’. “Eggsy, wait. I’m sorry, I don’t mean that. I’m just-“ It was no use, Eggsy was already out of the room, slamming the door behind him. “-frustrated.”

Eggsy fired off a quick text to let Merlin know he was going home and gave in to the temptation of a beer on a sofa in his jogging bottoms.


	4. For the Greater Good

Eggsy pulled himself out of his brooding to make dinner, dishing up just as Merlin came through the door. “Alright, love? Dinner’s ready, you hungry?”

“Starving.” Merlin swept into the kitchen and grabbed his plate from Eggsy with a kiss on the cheek. "How was your day? How did it go with Harry?"

"Yeah, it was fine. We had a nice chat for a bit." He argued to himself that that wasn't technically a lie - they had had a nice chat for a while. They'd just also had a distinctly not nice chat afterwards. "How was yours?"

"Not bad. I didn't get too much done, but I did a lot of thinking." Eggsy tilted his head. His question was clear but he was completely unwilling to ask it. "How would you feel about moving?"

Eggsy put down the fork that was halfway to his mouth as calmly as he could. "What?"

"Moving house. What do you think?"

"I think there's a clearer way to say what you want than that. Jesus, you could pick your moments better as well." Merlin went to speak but Eggsy just talked right over him. "See this is exactly why I told you to think about things, and not just say things and get my hopes up. And that 'don't be', that was bollocks as well. I'm not a fucking mug, Merlin, don't treat me like one."

Merlin sat back and fixed Eggsy with an assessing stare. "What happened today? What did Harry say to you?"

Eggsy shrugged in that way that said he was most definitely hiding something. "Who says he said anything?"

"Well, I thought I made myself quite clear that I want to be with you last night. This morning, I thought we had half a plan. Now you've spoken to Harry and all of a sudden you're flying off the handle about it." Eggsy didn't react. "What did he say?"

"It don't matter, you've made your mind up anyway, haven't you? I fucking knew it."

"Eggsy, tell me."

"Don't worry about it. If he wants you that much, and you clearly want him as well, he's fucking welcome to you!"

"What did he say?!"

"He told me to leave, alright?!"

Merlin froze and Eggsy closed his eyes, immediately regretting the words that had just come out of his mouth. "He did what?"

"Nothing. Forget it." Eggsy got up with his plate, no longer in the mood to eat, and went to cover it up to put in the fridge. Anything to get away from Merlin and fighting, really.

"No no no, you just said he told you to leave. Or did I mishear that?” Eggsy leant his elbows on the counter, his head in his hands. "Eggsy, he had no right."

"It doesn't matter." He stood up again and turned to face Merlin. "Love of your life. That's what he said he was, and he's right, ain't he? I’ve been a nice stand-in but he's the love of your life."

"Are you only supposed to get one of those?" Merlin put on an overly confused expression, which Eggsy only narrowed his eyes at. "If you are, I think I must be the exception to the rule because the last time I counted, there were definitely two of you. You are not a stand-in."

"Please, don't give me that shit when you've just come in here talking about me moving." He raised his hand to stop any arguments from Merlin. "I told you, whatever you decide, it's fine. It just feels like I'm stuck in limbo, and I didn't mind waiting, I really wouldn’t mind however long it took, it's the being strung along."

Merlin rose from his seat, stepping close to Eggsy. "You're not giving me a chance to explain. Nobody's stringing anyone along, I promise you."

"See, don't do that, don't promise anything til you're sure about everything." Merlin huffed softly. It seemed whatever he said was exactly the wrong thing. "Before all that shit went down in Kentucky, you and Harry were happy, me and you were mates and so were me and Harry. There's nothing to stop it going back to that. The thing is, you and me would get on just fine if we broke up, but me and Harry are never gonna be mates as long as I'm the one that wormed my way in where he used to be, and none of us are gonna be happy with that." Eggsy gave him a watery smile, trying to put on a brave face but failing to hide his sadness from his husband. "I'm just saying, maybe you don't have to decide. I could just walk away. Sacrifice for the greater good and all that."

Merlin settled his hands on Eggsy’s hips. Maybe if he held on, he would stay. ”There's nothing to stop it except that I don't think that's what either of us wants. Correct me if I'm wrong, if that is what you want, but will you give me a chance to explain before you commit to that?" Eggsy chewed his lip for a minute before he finally nodded for Merlin to continue. "I wasn't asking you to move out. I was thinking about what you said last night, about this being Harry's house, and you're right. It is his and I'm sure he'll be wanting to move back into it, so I was thinking, why don't we get a place of our own? I didn't mean _you_ moving, I meant _us_."

"But...it's your house as well. Why would you give that up?"

"I don't want a house that's mine, I want one that's ours. And it's not like I'll be selling it to a stranger, Harry will be moving back in, assuming he wants to." Eggsy gave him a look as if to say 'yeah, he definitely wants to'. "And if your suggestion works out, I suppose it will still be a bit mine. If that's still something you want me to talk to Harry about?"

"Listen, babe, don't take this the wrong way, alright?" Merlin frowned. "I love that you care about me, but you worrying about me when you should be worrying about yourself is doing my fucking head in. Do what you've gotta do. And getting a place together would be nice if that’s how all this works out but right now, I don’t see that happening. If you still wanna talk to him about it, talk to him but I don’t think he’s gonna stop until I’m out of the picture so you might wanna think about that as well.“


	5. Think About It

"I won't leave him." Harry looked up from his newspaper at his otherwise unannounced guest, in perfect counterpoint to his sinking heart. "You need to accept that I moved on and that I love him. I don't want to leave him, I can't, and I won't. But I do have another arrangement that I'd like to discuss with you."

Harry folded his newspaper and set it aside. He was undeniably a bit put out by Merlin's unwavering commitment to Eggsy. He wasn't ready to give up just yet. He sat back and gestured for Merlin to take the seat opposite him. "I'm all ears."

"I don't want to choose between you, so what if I don't?" Harry didn't understand, and told him as much. "You both want me, I want both of you, why can't that work?"

"Because I don't share."

"You don't have to enter into anything you don't want to, but how much could it hurt to give it a try?" Harry looked unimpressed but didn’t say anything. Clearly he thought his statement spoke for itself. "I'm just asking you to think about it, okay?"

"I don't share."

"Think about it."

"And what if I say no? Is it this or nothing?" He really hoped the answer was no, because if it wasn't Merlin had already chosen Eggsy.

"I honestly have no idea." He truly didn’t. He’d buried his head in the sand and (probably naively) believed that Harry would come around, no matter what Eggsy said. Of course he should plan for all possibilities but he still hoped he wouldn’t have to. Harry looked half-satisfied at his indecision and he worried that that meant bad news for him. "Whatever happens, you need to treat Eggsy with more respect. You had no right to say what you said to him."

"I know. I owe him an apology." At least he could admit that he was in the wrong, Merlin thought. "I was angry and all of my feelings about this just...came to a head, I suppose."

"He's stuck in the middle of a shitstorm that he didn't ask for. He's done nothing wrong."

"None of us asked for this."

"I know. It's why I'm not angrier with you than I am." Harry had to concede that Merlin had in fact managed to stay very calm. As furious as he was about Harry stepping out of line and trying to meddle in his and Eggsy’s relationship, he had to remember what he’d just come back to and wonder how he would react if the shoe was on the other foot. "What makes it worse, though, is that I'd already told him by then that I couldn't not be with you. There was really no need for your alpha male mind games bullshit, it was cruel and unnecessary."

"Shit. I must've made him feel horrible." Merlin shrugged, unwilling to contradict Harry just to ease his conscience. "Just out of interest, how quickly did he come to you about it?"

"He didn't. He wasn't going to tell me." Harry raised an eyebrow, both in surprise and in question. He suspected he’d have gone running straight from his office to Merlin’s to tell him how terrible he was. "I unknowingly put my foot in it, we had a misunderstanding and it came out then. For what it's worth, you've not lost your touch. Your scare tactics worked."

"I spoke out of turn, I'm sorry."

“You should be, and I’m not the only one you should be saying that too. You need to have more respect for my relationship with him as well. I will never betray his trust. Not even for you.”

Shame washed over Harry’s face as he recalled his behaviour. “I acted very inappropriately, I’m sorry. I thought if I could tempt some part of you, I might still have a chance. I just didn’t want to believe that I’d truly lost you.”

“That’s not an excuse. Trying to force me into cheating on him is not the way to win me back.”

“I know. It was awful of me. I’m beyond mortified and truly sorry.” Merlin smiled softly and accepted his apology. Harry could be an unbearable shit, especially when he had a bee in his bonnet, but for the most part - at least once he'd calmed down a bit - he was not unreasonable. It was good to see that hadn't changed. "Surely Eggsy wouldn't actually have gone through with leaving?"

"I'm not so sure. I think he'd have sacrificed his own happiness for us all to go back to how we were before. He loves me, Harry. And he cares a lot about you and your friendship, don't waste that because of this. We both know you'll regret it if you do."

Harry suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. Of course he'd have liked everything to be exactly as he left it but that's not how the real world works, and getting it back wasn't worth making Eggsy miserable. Not to mention how unhappy Merlin looked at the idea of him leaving. "How does he feel about this whole polyamory thing? Is he on board with it?"

"It was sort of his idea." He probably should've expected that. Merlin gave him a hopeful smile. "Does this mean you'll think about it?"

“Yes, I’ll think about it.” A week passed before Harry finally got back to Merlin. "I think we'll all need to know the details of this arrangement before we agree to it, will we not?" Merlin agreed. "Then I'd like the three of us to sit down together. It will give me a chance to apologise properly to the two of you as well. It was wrong of me to behave the way I did, especially if he makes you happy."

“Thank you, Harry. He does. I've no idea where I'd be without him.” Merlin paused for a moment as he thought about how true that was. “When this is all less fragile, remind me to tell you what he did for me. You should be glad for that if nothing else." Harry nodded. He had no doubt that if it was important enough for Merlin to mention, it would be important to him too. And if things had really been as dire as they'd both implied, he would absolutely be grateful for whatever Eggsy had done to turn it around.


	6. Joint Custody

Now that Harry and Eggsy were no longer actively arguing and they had a solution in sight that meant they weren’t quite in constant fear of ending up alone, they decided it was best to give everyone a couple of days to breathe and think about what they wanted out of all of this.

They agreed that Harry would meet them at the house. Really, somewhere a bit more neutral with far fewer emotional connections would’ve been better but they didn't want to risk being interrupted, and at least being in the place that they all called home might put everyone on their best behaviour and stop them from souring the atmosphere.

By the time Harry was due to arrive - about half an hour before they actually expected him - Eggsy had been climbing the walls all morning, completely ignoring every one of Merlin’s attempts to calm him down. He'd scrubbed the whole place to within an inch of its life just to give him something to do, he was so nervous; his last meeting with Harry hadn't exactly ended well, after all.Merlin physically held him still from his fussing over every speck of dust. “I’ve told you, there’s no need to be nervous.”

“Babe, the last time I saw him, he basically told me to fuck off out of both your lives. I think it’s fair for me to be on edge.”

“He didn’t mean that.” That didn’t put Eggsy at ease at all and his unwillingness to believe that was all over his face. Merlin sighed softly and pressed a kiss to Eggsy’s forehead. “It will be fine, I promise.”

It was Merlin that let Harry in when he finally rang the doorbell, with Eggsy poking his head out of the kitchen just long enough to test the waters and offer everyone a drink. He came back into the living room, set their tea and some biscuits down on the coffee table and sat in his chair - the opposite side of the room to Harry, leaving Merlin sat awkwardly on the sofa between them.

Harry interrupted just as Merlin was about to start things off. "Before anything else, I owe you both an apology. Especially you, Eggsy." Eggsy looked at him in shock - he hadn’t expected Harry to be quite so forthcoming about it. Yes, Merlin had told him plenty of times over the last few days that Harry was sorry and that he had nothing to worry about, but then he also said that it would be fine the first time he’d gone to see Harry, so it wasn’t exactly unreasonable to still be a bit sceptical. “I said some things in the heat of the moment that I didn’t mean, and which I’d have had no right to say regardless. I was wrong to think that I was more deserving of happiness than you are, and I deeply regret any hurt that I caused to either of you. Eggsy, for making this man - the man that we both love so dearly - so happy again, I owe you the greatest of respect. I hope you can forgive me.”

It took Eggsy a second to find his words and when he did, they tumbled out a bit embarrassingly. He was supposed to be a mature adult fighting to keep his husband, for fuck’s sake, not the dumb kid that he was when Harry left. “Yeah, course I can. I mean I can’t say it didn’t sting a bit but I get it, I can't really blame you, can I? For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too, for all of this. And I might’ve accidentally rubbed it in your face a little bit. I didn’t mean to, I just sort of…” Eggsy shrugged, feeling stupid for how this was coming out, “forgot for a minute. Sorry about that.”

"You needn't be, but thank you." Harry offered him a warm smile and was relieved to see it returned.

"Right, er..." Merlin had to find his words again. In all honestly, he'd been expecting to have to do a lot more mediating than that, although the fact that he didn't must have been a good sign. "I suppose I should let you know where I stand and the two of you can butt in whenever you need to?" Both men nodded their agreement. "Then as you both know, I would like to have a relationship with both of you. Separately, of course. Well, unless-“

Eggsy shook his head ever so slightly, almost involuntary. Harry smirked, “Oh, charming!” He waved off Eggsy’s protests with a slight smile, getting a smile and an eye roll in return. Merlin watched the two of them optimistically. With any luck, they could remain on good terms - it would certainly make his life much easier.

“As I was saying, both of you, separately. And when I say a relationship, I do mean in every sense that we’ve had up until now.” He looked between the two of them apprehensively, expecting that their jealousy could kick in any moment but was met with no such thing. “And I don’t want either of you to feel like you can’t talk about the other to me, nor do I want to feel that I can’t mention either one of you to the other. I don’t want to be stuck in the middle of any petty squabbles or anything like that but otherwise I think we should all be able to speak as freely as we’d like.”

Again, the others agreed. “So how’s this gonna work, like, logistically? Are we gonna have, like, joint custody of you or something?” Eggsy spoke with a lopsided grin. “Y’know, where I get you Monday to Wednesday afternoon, then Harry gets you til Friday, and we take it on turns on weekends.”

“I think we can manage without that.” Merlin matched his grin. “I was thinking that whenever one of you is away or otherwise occupied, I’d spend my time with the other, assuming you want me. Otherwise, I’ll do my best to split my time between you. With a bit of trial and error, I’m sure we’ll figure out what’s best for us.”

“Sounds fair enough to me.” They both looked at Harry hopefully.

“And me. What were you thinking in terms of living arrangements? When you say you’ll split your time between us, do you mean between houses or between beds?”

“Actually, that’s the next thing we wanted to talk to you about.” He looked to Eggsy, who nodded for him to go ahead. “Eggsy and I have been looking for a place of our own pretty much since you came back and we’ve found somewhere not far from here that we should be able to move into soon. The house is yours whenever you want it.”

“It’s time for you to come home, bruv,” Eggsy grinned.

Harry frowned slightly. “If this is because of what I said, that really isn’t necessary.”

“It’s not. It’s always been yours, always will be. You two have been together a fucking lifetime, you’ve got too much history to not come back to it.” He turned a soppy smile towards Merlin. “And it’ll be good to have somewhere that’s ours anyway, somewhere we can make our own history.”

Seeing Eggsy look at Merlin like that, like he belonged to him, hit a nerve with Harry. He lifted his nose in the air a little. “I have to admit, it will be good to be back. It is my home, after all.”

The smile fell from Eggsy’s face and he clenched his jaw. Merlin gave Harry a look, warning him not to carry on down that road if he knew what was good for him. “Well, I think that’s all I had to say. Is there anything either of you wants to add?”

“We’ll have to respect each other’s plans, of course. I’m sure this goes without saying, but we’re going to have to learn to communicate properly. And I would ask that once you have your own place, you don’t take either of us back to the other’s house for the night.” Merlin looked away with a mumbled denial and a guilty look on his face, while Eggsy smirked from his seat. “My dear, I know you well enough to know that that’s exactly the kind of thing that you’d get a thrill out of, given half the chance, so I’m ruling it out now. The specifics of your relationship are none of my business,” Eggsy was sure he said it like there was something filthy between them but managed to convince himself he was just imagining it and let it slide. “Nor do I want them to be, but I’d rather it didn’t happen where I sleep.”

Eggsy giggled as Merlin agreed, looking thoroughly scolded. “While we’re on the subject, condoms. Don’t matter what kind of tests we all have. All of us, always. Well, until we agree not to, if we do.”

“What on earth for?” Harry balked, looking as if Eggsy had personally insulted him. It was a knee-jerk reaction - it certainly wasn’t an unreasonable requirement, just one that he and Merlin hadn’t had for many years.

“To be honest, I dunno mate. Probably the same reason you don’t want us shagging in your bed?” Eggsy broke into a full laugh and Merlin hid his own behind his hand at Harry’s reaction to his bluntness. “Seriously though, I mean probably not forever but this is already gonna be a bit weird for a bit, until we get used to it. I’d just feel more comfortable that way.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Merlin chimed in, before Harry could object again and have this turn into less of a friendly debate. “Is there anything else?”

“I suppose we might have to deal with other things as they come up but for now, I don’t think so. Eggsy?” Eggsy shook his head. “Well then we can’t guarantee this will all go smoothly but it seems we’re all willing to give it a try.” Eggsy nodded even as he took a deep breath, still feeling nervous about how it would all work out, and he really hoped that would pass soon. “Then now that that’s all settled, why don’t we go out for dinner and a few drinks to celebrate?”

“Yes, Harry!”


	7. I’ve Been Neglecting You

A few more weeks passed before the new house was ready, and another couple of days before Eggsy was officially moved out and Merlin half with him.

“Eggsy, where did you put the—oh. Oh my.” Eggsy sat back against the headboard quickly stroking himself, a very welcome sight indeed. He swore loudly as Merlin came into the room and bit down hard on his lip just a few seconds later, his back arching under the force of his orgasm. “My god, you are beautiful.”

Eggsy grinned at him, breathing heavily. “Sorry. Couldn’t stop.”

"It seems I've been neglecting you. Why don't I make that up to you, hm?" Merlin stalked over and crawled up the bed towards Eggsy, pushing his hands away from his still-hard cock. "Hold on, did you put a condom on for a wank?"

Eggsy blushed. "Less cleanup, init?"

That was one of the things that still amazed him about Eggsy - for all of his confidence, especially in the bedroom, he was uncharacteristically shy about getting himself off. For a while Merlin had believed - and Eggsy had allowed him to - that it was because he thought Merlin might have a problem with it. And while Merlin understood that some people might have an issue, he couldn't understand why. If anything, he'd like to catch him at it more often. It was only from Merlin trying to assure him that it was fine that it came out that Eggsy had his own problems with it. He felt that it was disrespectful to his partner, like he was somehow cheating on them with himself, like it was some kind of insult. The idea was completely ridiculous if you asked Merlin, but he wouldn't argue with how Eggsy felt. Which is why, for them to have ended up in this situation, Eggsy must have been feeling very neglected indeed, and that just would not do.

“Plus it’s good for this.” Merlin leant forward and placed little kitten licks up and down his cock, making him squirm and whimper.

When he took the head of his cock into his mouth and sucked, Eggsy threw his head back with an almost pained laugh. “Fuck, it’s so sensitive.”

Merlin pulled off with a pop and smirked at him. “Is it too much? Do you want me to stop?”

“Not a fucking chance.” Merlin got back to work, exquisitely torturing Eggsy with his lips and his tongue. “Merlin, fuck me. Please babe, fuck me. Let's christen this place properly, yeah?"

Merlin stopped what he was doing and reached for the lube and a condom from the bedside table, then pulled Eggsy’s trousers and pants the rest of the way off and set about carefully preparing him. Eggsy, impatient as ever, pushed him away and took over, apparently willing to put up with a bit of extra discomfort to save time.

Merlin quickly undressed, throwing his clothes haphazardly around the room. He tore the packet open and rolled the condom onto himself, added some more lube and waited for Eggsy to give him the go ahead before he slowly pushed into him. Eggsy forced himself to relax as Merlin pressed all the way in. Merlin gave him a couple of minutes to adjust, until he was enthusiastically told to ‘fucking move, you tease’.

Merlin tried to keep his thrusts slow and gentle, which lasted all of about a minute before Eggsy started pushing back hard against him and he gave in completely. Merlin angled himself to hit Eggsy’s prostate almost constantly and it wasn’t long before Eggsy was biting his lip again, desperately close to coming. Merlin reached for his cock and only had to stroke him twice before he was crying out with his second orgasm, all of his muscles tensing deliciously.

Merlin kept pushing into him, chasing his own pleasure. It was the feel of Eggsy giggling deliriously at the pain-pleasure of overstimulation that finally sent him over the edge with a broken moan. He slowly pulled out of Eggsy, disposed of both of their condoms and flopped down beside him. Eggsy rolled over immediately, practically lying on top of him, and stared down at him.

“Fuck, I’ve missed that. And this.” He leant down to kiss Merlin, softly and chastely at first, but soon licking into his mouth hungrily. It was only then that Merlin realised he hadn’t allowed either of them more than a quick peck since Harry had returned. It was all too messy in his head for him to really give himself to either of them like that.

“I’m sorry this isn’t the marriage you signed up for.”

“I don’t mind, babe. I just want you, however much of you I can have.” Eggsy gently kissed across Merlin’s cheekbone. “I want you to be happy and if this is what that looks like, I’m happy too.”

“Are you really, though? I don’t want you to just put up with things because they make me happy.”

“I think me and Harry are still gonna take a little while to get things right but I do wanna be proper friends with him again. Once we get it all smoothed out, we’ll be all good.” Eggsy kissed him again. “Yeah, I’m happy. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He flipped Eggsy onto his back and took control of the kiss, showing him just how much he wanted to make it up to him. “I’m sorry I haven’t been taking take of you.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“It just didn’t seem right when everything was up in the air, and we’ve been so busy with the house and everything.”

“I get it, you’ve had more important things on your mind.” Merlin looked dangerously like he might argue so Eggsy pulled him down for another kiss. “That’s all done now. Don’t worry about it. And I’ve gotta get used to it anyway, ain’t I? What with sharing you and all that.”

“Oh, darling, not if I can help it.” He kissed along Eggsy’s jaw and down his neck, and earned himself a very satisfying moan as he latched onto one of his nipples.

Eggsy nudged him away and looked down at him with a laugh. “Babe, I can’t, not again. It’s too soon.”

Merlin looked back up at him with a smirk. “Neither can I, does that mean I can’t appreciate you anyway?” Apparently it did not.


	8. You're Really Back

Merlin was round at Harry’s the next night to celebrate him moving back in. As soon as Harry opened the door and welcomed him with a kiss, Merlin gave up all attempts to keep his cool. He pushed Harry back against the wall and kicked the door shut behind him. He kissed him slow and deep, holding tight to the front of his cardigan as if he might float away without Merlin there to tether him.

Harry plucked Merlin’s hands from his front and slid around him, pressing him to the wall with the whole length of his body against his back. He ground his hips against Merlin, letting him feel how hard he was and earning a few whispered pleas from him. “Left pocket.”

Harry reached into Merlin’s pocket, finding two foil packets inside. He quickly worked Merlin’s trousers open and down his thighs. He let his hand wander between Merlin’s legs, making him moan as he gently tugged on his balls, before drawing his hand back along his cleft. Much to his surprise, two fingers sunk into his slick hole with just the gentlest of pushes. Harry spoke low into Merlin’s ear. “What do we have here?”

Merlin chuckled. “We’ve waited two bloody years, do you want to wait any longer?”

Harry growled in his ear and fumbled with his own trousers, barely able to get them out of the way quick enough. He quickly put the condom in place and pressed into Merlin, savouring his gasp as he did. Harry moved slowly, rolling his hips against Merlin’s as he kissed at his neck.

“Wait, wait. Let me see you.” Harry pulled out and let Merlin turn around before drawing him in for another kiss. He pushed Merlin’s trousers down further, telling him to step out of them, before hiking his legs up around his waist. Whoever Harry’s physio was had done wonders - he was in better shape now than he was before he left. Harry pushed into him again and Merlin let his head fall back against the wall with a groan before smiling down at Harry, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “This is real, isn’t it? You’re really back.”

“Should I be flattered or insulted that this is what it takes to convince you?” Merlin huffed out a laugh which turned into a moan as Harry hit that spot inside him just right. Just as Harry could tell he was getting close, he grabbed the second condom, rolled it down Merlin’s cock, and stroked him quickly. Merlin came with a low groan and pulled Harry right over the edge with him.

Merlin sighed, his chest still heaving slightly, as Harry set him back on his own feet. “Welcome home.” Harry gave him a crooked smile. “Maybe next time we’ll make it past the hallway.”

Neither of them bothered to get dressed again properly, opting instead to hop into the shower together, put on some pyjamas and relax in bed. They lay there, Merlin’s head on Harry’s chest just talking like they used to.

“I thought I’d lost you. I thought you’d chosen Eggsy.”

Merlin looked up at him with a frown. “Why would you think that?”

“Well you did turn down my advances and go home to him the night I came back.” Merlin was relieved not to hear any of the resentment that he surely would have a couple of weeks earlier. “And you did tell me categorically that you wouldn’t leave him. I don’t think it was a huge leap.”

“I handled it like a moron, I know.” Harry would hear no such thing - he thought Merlin had handled it remarkably well, and Eggsy if he was forced to admit it. He wasn’t so sure about himself. “I didn’t want to lose either of you, and Eggsy and I already had something solid. I just…I’m sorry but I don’t know how I’d ever choose between you. And to be fair, I told him the same thing, that I couldn’t be without you.”

“I understand. I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for you. Of course I wish you were only mine to come back to but I understand you not wanting to lose him, too.” Merlin hummed vaguely. Harry paused for a long moment. “What did he do?”

Merlin frowned at him, confused. “When?”

“You said when this all settled down, remind you to tell me what he did. What did he do?”

“Is this the time?”

“Is it not? We don’t have to talk about it if you’d rather not.”

“No, I suppose it’s as good a time as any.” Merlin sighed, lying back down. “He saved my life.”

“Do you mean literally or figuratively?”

“Both?” Merlin smiled a kind of sad smile, the memories bittersweet. “Mostly literally. I took an overdose and-“

Harry tensed beneath him. “You…what?”

“It wasn’t on purpose. I was on a massive dose of antidepressants. I wasn’t eating properly so the concentration in my system was off or something, and I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t thinking straight, I didn’t even know what day it was most of the time, I just kind of lost track of what I’d taken and when. It’s unlikely anyone would have found me for hours if he hadn’t, and I’d probably have been dead by the time they did.” Harry placed his arm protectively across Merlin’s chest. “He found me passed out in my own vomit. How he ever fancied me after that, I’ll never know.”

“Is that why you’re with him? Or why you couldn’t leave him?” That would make sense. If he felt Eggsy had saved his life, perhaps he felt he owed him something. It would certainly explain his steadfast refusal to turn him away.

“No, neither. It made us closer though.” Merlin laughed softly, making Harry hum in question. “He made me take better care of myself after that. He used to bring me food and refuse to leave until I ate it, and when I tried to return the favour, he wouldn’t eat until I did. He even locked me out of my office so that I had no choice but to go and sleep. I still don’t know how he managed that but he did it more than once. He drove me crazy but I know he meant well. We spent a lot of time together and we made life bearable for one another, then we made each other happy, and it went from there. Christ knows where I’d be otherwise.”

“I’m sorry for what you’ve been through.” What he meant was that he was sorry he’d caused it, but he knew Merlin would disagree. It wasn’t his fault he’d been shot, it wasn’t his fault he’d spent months in a coma, and it wasn’t his fault that he was stuck god knows where instead of coming home, but everyone had suffered because of it and he couldn’t help feeling somewhat responsible. “I’m glad he was there for you when I couldn’t be.”

Merlin turned over and leant up on one elbow to look at Harry. “He didn’t replace you, you know. No one could have done that. It’s different.”

“I know.” Harry smiled a genuine smile. His insecurities about Eggsy were not quite a distant memory but he realised how lucky he was to be able to come back to this and that it was Eggsy he had to thank for a great deal of it.

“I know that it’s still difficult for you and that it might never be easy but I love him, Harry. What happened between us was never a fling, I would never have disrespected you or your memory - or your relationship with him - like that.” He rested his head on Harry’s shoulder, curling into his side. “Maybe it wasn’t long enough but it was months that felt like a lifetime where I didn’t think I would ever be okay - never mind happy - again. There were weeks where I couldn’t go five minutes without bursting into tears and went days without eating or drinking anything except water to take painkillers to keep the headaches away. Eggsy dragged me to the therapist’s office so that if I wasn’t going to talk to anyone - and I wasn’t, I couldn’t - then I could at least get something that might help. He thought that made it his fault when I overdosed, because I would never have been taking them if it wasn’t for him. It never occurred to him that I would never have made it that far without him. If I hadn’t topped myself - and I thought about it a lot, so many times - I would’ve neglected myself into some kind of organ failure. He put me back together, he really did. And when I started to get better and he had less to keep him distracted, he started to fall apart and I could do the same for him. It was about six months before we could both get through a day without crying. Maybe it’s salt in the wound but it was you that brought us closer together. It was only after all that time that either of us could talk about you, only to each other, nobody else. We could share our memories of you, we could even laugh about some of them after a while. Then it was habit, the time that we spent together. We’d talk about other things, just keep each other company, and eventually we just couldn’t stand to be apart. He kissed me one night and immediately felt guilty about it, like he was taking advantage of me. He thought he’d ruined everything but it was the first time since you were gone that I actually felt like my life could be happy again, for more than just fleeting moments. I never thought it would happen again but I was in love with him. I am in love with him. And he loves me too. I know it must’ve been hard for you to come back and find that I was with somebody else but you must understand that.”

“I do, darling. I owe him a lifetime of gratitude. And I hope that we do too, but I hope you live wonderful, happy lives together. You deserve to.”

“He deserves it. I’ve never been sure that I do. You have no idea the guilt I’ve felt. On our wedding day…I almost couldn’t go through with it. And he would’ve understood. He told me it was okay, that we could move it back or just cancel it if I needed to, and I knew he meant it. But I also knew that I’d be an idiot not to marry him, and that he deserved whatever it was that would make him happy. On our anniversary - mine and yours - I barely spoke to him. I just couldn’t talk to him, I couldn’t tell him how horrible I felt, that all I could think about was how much my dead husband would hate that I’m married to him instead. I couldn’t let him share that guilt, but it only made me feel worse, that I wasn’t talking to him. I missed you so much.” Harry felt a tear slide from Merlin’s cheek onto his chest. “So much. That was one of my worst days since I lost you. But he was nothing but kind and supportive, whenever I needed it, for as long as I needed it. He still is. I truly believe that he would’ve walked away to make that decision easy for me even though it would’ve broken his heart. He was scared of losing me but he never had a problem with sharing me with you because he always has been. My heart’s always been half yours and he’s always accepted it. He’s a wonderful man, I don’t think even you realised just how much, and I’ve always been thankful to you for bringing him into my life.”

Harry shuffled down to hold Merlin properly in his arms. “I’m very glad that you had him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tagged what I thought was appropriate here but please let me know if you disagree


	9. Half Is More Than I Need

They had an arrangement that they could all agree on and Eggsy was pretty sure that even if Harry wasn’t completely happy with it, he was at least going to give it a proper try. That didn’t stop him being cautious when Harry invited him to lunch. They met at a small café near the shop and made smalltalk until their food arrived. Harry’s cleared throat once they were left alone told Eggsy their talk was about to get a lot bigger. “Merlin told me that you saved his life.”

Eggsy almost choked on his food but forced himself to swallow it down and took a sip of his drink. “Yeah, well...he has got a flare for the dramatic. He reckons he learnt it all from you.” 

He cracked a smile but Harry’s expression stayed sombre. “Eggsy. He told me what you did for him, please don’t make light of it.”

Eggsy looked at his plate, watery-eyed. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Harry nodded. “I’m sure it must be difficult for you to talk about - to think about, even - but I would like to at some point. I would also like you to know that I am incredibly grateful for you having done that. I didn’t realise how literally you meant it when you said I should count myself lucky that he’s here for me to come back to. If you’re ever ready to, I really would like to talk about this.” Eggsy simply nodded. “Thank you for looking after him while I was gone.”

Eggsy frowned slightly at him. He might be playing ball but Harry still managed to throw in plenty of hints that Eggsy was just a caretaker. “I wasn’t looking after him for you.”

“No. Well.” Harry gave him a tight smile. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah.” He was pretty sure he knew exactly what Harry meant but he wasn’t looking to get into an argument so he quickly changed the subject.

It wasn’t the only time Harry hinted at or outright mentioned what Eggsy had done or how they got together and after a couple of weeks he gave in. If Harry wasn’t going to leave it alone - and apparently he wasn’t - they might as well get it out of the way. This time it was over tea at Harry’s house, though, because there was no way he was having this conversation and risking causing a scene in public. “What did Merlin tell you? About what happened between us, I mean. I wanna know that you had the full story, I don’t want you thinking that he didn’t care about you.”

“I know that he cared about me, and I know how guilty he felt for it.”

“He shouldn’t have.”

“Perhaps not, but he loves you so of course he did.”

“Just like he did for loving me in the first place.”

“Yes.” Harry took a sip of his tea before he finally answered Eggsy’s question. “He told me how you looked after him, how you forced him to keep going, to survive until he could really live again. He told me how you encouraged him to get the help he needed. How you found him when he was dying.” Tears immediately sprang to Eggsy’s eyes and he willed them not to fall. It was a losing battle, though, the memory of it still so clear in his mind. “You were there for him every single time he needed help, when no one else was.”

“He was there for me too.” That was the easy bit to pick up on. Not that Merlin had almost died, he didn’t want to talk about that - not to Harry or to anyone else. As much as he wanted to satisfy Harry’s curiosity about their relationship, that part still felt private.

“I know. He told me how you supported each other, how you grew closer. How you kissed him.”

“I’m sorry.” He knew he hadn’t done anything wrong getting with Merlin but he still felt guilty about the situation that Harry had come back to. Harry always managed to remind him without trying that they wouldn’t be all tangled up like this if he’d never made a move.

“I suppose I can’t blame you. You made him happy again. He so truly deserves to be.” Eggsy nodded - that was all he wanted out of any of this, for Merlin to be happy. “I know now that it wasn’t a rebound for either of you, even if it was rather quick, and that I wrongly assumed that things were easier for you than they were. I would like to hear about what you went through, if you’ll let me. I would like to understand.”

“It really weren’t how you thought it was. He didn’t jump into bed with me, we weren’t just warming the lonely nights for each other. I’m sure you don’t need the details but we didn’t even sleep together until just before we got married. It was never about that, we _loved_ each other, Harry. Neither of us would ever have disrespected your memory like that if we didn’t really fucking love each other. If either of us thought life was worth living without the other.”

“I know, he told me the same thing. And now I do know that, I can only begin to understand how difficult it must’ve been for each of you to see the other in pain.” Eggsy nodded, tears still hovering, just about to fall. “I would like to do more than begin to understand.”

Eggsy resisted the urge to fold himself up in his seat but took a breath before he started speaking. “He didn’t cope without you. He was running himself into the ground, he forced everyone away, he wouldn’t ever ask for help from anyone, so I forced it on him. It ain’t a secret between any of us that I had some complicated, fucked up daddy issues and had feelings for you, and I watched you die with nothing I could do to stop it. Merlin was the only other person on the planet that’s been there for me as long as I’ve known him - even if that weren’t that long - and he was killing himself, and I _could_ stop it. I could help him, and so many other people could’ve helped him too but nobody fucking did.” Eggsy’s face twisted in anger and his tears finally fell. Harry supposed he’d had to let sleeping dogs lie and stay professional but it was clear that he held some resentment for his colleagues. “I told you, all he cared about was finding you so I helped him do that, and made sure he ate and slept from time to time too. Even when I started to feel something more than friendly for him, I still hoped that we’d find you because that was still the only thing that would make life bearable for him again. But the longer we went without finding you, the worse he got.“ Eggsy bit as his lip, deciding whether or not to keep talking but Harry watched him expectantly and he knew he’d never get away with holding anything back so he set his cup down and quietly carried on. ”I found him on the roof once. He said at the time he was just getting some fresh air, asked me to leave him alone, practically begged me to go, but I _knew_ , I just had this fucking sickening feeling in my stomach that if I left him, he’d jump. And that’s when I knew for sure he really needed help. He still wouldn’t talk about you but I had to get them to do _something_ , even if it was just the pills.”

“Would he have jumped?”

“I dunno.” More tears flowed down his cheeks. “Don’t really wanna know the answer to that.” But Harry suspected they both already did. “Then when I found him....” Eggsy placed a hand over his eyes, taking in a shaky breath. He still didn’t want to talk about it but Merlin had already told him and he figured Harry had a right to know what had happened to his own husband. He took his hand away after a while, wiping his tears away on the back of his hand. “I thought he’d done it on purpose. I thought I’d failed, that I’d lost him too. I felt so guilty, like I’d forced the fucking pills on him and he’d used them to-“ Eggsy shook his head. “Might as well have put a fucking noose around his neck.”

“But you know now that that wasn’t the case.”

“I do. Took a while before I stopped feeling like it was, though. And when he got better he started being more careful, looking after himself better, he didn’t need me any more. I wanted him to be better, course I did, but I felt so lost when he stopped needing me. I wasn’t helping him, I wasn’t finding you, my mum was doing just fine with Dean out of the picture, and I was happy about a lot of that but I just felt so...useless. I didn’t know what to do with myself, and I really struggled with it. But Merlin was there for me too, always took care of me. He taught me some of the tech side of stuff when I was here, just to keep me busy. He taught me to take my glasses apart and put the back together again - silly stuff, no real purpose to it but it gave me something to focus on and that’s what I needed.”

Harry smiled a fond smile. “He was always good at that. He knows exactly how to help everyone but himself.”

“You’re not wrong there. He mentioned you in passing one time, almost by accident. About how he’d tried to talk you through fixing your rainmaker on a mission once and you’d just ended up stabbing someone with it instead. It was the first time either of us had spoken about you beyond trying to find you, and I remember he didn’t speak for the rest of the day - didn’t say a single word, like he was punishing himself for daring to say your name out loud - but it got a little bit easier after that. It was easier to talk about you, easier to talk in general and we got so used to spending time together, so comfortable with each other. And I fell in love with him. Maybe I should’ve kept my distance when I started to feel something for him but we needed each other and yeah...I ended up falling in love.”

“You were not wrong to allow yourself to have feelings for him. It seems it would’ve been more wrong to keep your distance. I am sorry for how I reacted.”

“I get it. I know it must’ve been hard for you too. But even so, I wasn’t trying to start anything with him. I’m not gonna say I didn’t mean to kiss him, that would be fucking stupid, but I hadn’t actually planned on it. We were together one night, just talking and enjoying each other’s company, and it just felt right. Then as soon as I’d done it, it felt so, so wrong - like I’d betrayed you, like I was taking advantage of Merlin - but it still felt so natural to wanna be with him, you know? And it turned out that somehow he’d fallen in love with me too but felt just the same, like admitting it would be disrespectful to you. But we just wanted to be happy.” Eggsy was almost pleading with him, begging Harry to understand. “After all the pain we’d been through, we were just so desperate to hold onto any bit of happiness we could get, and that was with each other.”

“So that’s how he moved on from me?”

Eggsy shook his head. “He never moved on from you, not really. I always knew that I was sharing him with you but I love him so much, half of him is more than I need to be happy. Did he tell you he almost called off our wedding?” Harry nodded solemnly. “He thought he didn’t deserve to be happy with someone that wasn’t you. He felt so guilty, and I knew he shouldn’t but I had to let it be his choice. I wanted to marry him more than anything but I didn’t want to start our marriage with him regretting it, or without him being ready for it. And your anniversary was hard for him. It was like he’d lost you all over again, and I just had to do what I’d done before - just be there for him and let him take his time to be okay without you again. He only packed up all your stuff after that.” Eggsy started to cry again as he remembered how difficult that had been for Merlin, and for him as a result. “Cried ’til he made himself sick because it all still smelt like you. He felt like he was tidying you away into a box; it broke his fucking heart, but he insisted on doing it. Well, he tried to. I ended up having to take over, he just couldn’t handle packing away every trace of you, even if it was only going into the loft. I wasn’t ever trying to get rid of you, I just wanted to help him. I only ever wanted to help him, Harry.”

“And that’s why you would’ve walked away when I told you to?” Eggsy nodded. “I’m sorry, I should never have told you to do that.”

“I get it.” Eggsy wiped his eyes dry and cleared his throat. “I just…I don’t wanna talk about this any more, alright? Now you know what happened while you were away, I don’t wanna keep going over it.”

“Okay. I apologise if I made you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine.” Eggsy kept a stiff upper lip and stood to take himself off the bathroom. “Excuse me for a moment.”

Harry smiled softly at him. “Of course.”


	10. I Was Right

Eggsy didn’t exactly expect things to be easy. Harry was making an effort but his jealousy shone through now and then and somehow the knowledge of his and Merlin’s connection and how it was formed only seemed to make it worse. The whole thing had a little ball of anxiety sitting in Eggsy’s stomach 24/7. No matter what Merlin said, he knew he’d have to get used to not having him around as much and that was fine. Harry had just come back from the dead and they were both trying to make up for what they’d missed out on. It was hard to see them back together but at least he’d had experience sharing Merlin in spirit; he had to remember that Harry had never shared him at all and was having to adapt to that.

So when he only got to spend a couple of nights a week with Merlin, he got it. And when Harry made plans here and there without speaking to him, he let it slide. He tried to be understanding and remind himself that they all knew they’d have to make compromises. But time went by with Harry brushing him off more and more, he was still hardly getting to spend any time with the man he loved and he seemed to be the only one giving up any ground. He convinced himself for a while that he was being paranoid; surely Harry wasn’t actually trying to fuck things up, and Merlin didn’t seem to notice anything wrong so maybe he was being too sensitive or not giving it long enough. He kept quiet, he never wanted to make the situation stickier. But it went on for months, even he had limited patience and eventually he’d had e-fucking-nough.

Eggsy kicked his shoes off, wrapped his arms around Merlin’s waist and greeted him with a kiss when he got home. “Hey, babe. Can’t be bothered to cook tonight, do you fancy a curry?” He looked at Merlin properly and frowned as he noticed he’d changed out of his work clothes and into a nice shirt and tie. “Why you all dressed up?”

“Harry and I are going for dinner.” Merlin pecked his lips as he stepped away to carry on getting ready. “Sorry, I forgot to remind you this morning.”

“What do you mean remind me? I’d have to have known about it first.”

Merlin frowned back at him. “He didn’t tell you?”

Eggsy pushed further away from him and grabbed a beer from the fridge instead. “Course he never fucking told me.” He slammed the fridge shut. “When does he ever fucking tell me?”

“Eggsy, calm down. I’m sure it just slipped his mind.”

“Like it does every time? Four or five days a week most weeks? This is classic Harry and I’m sick of him treating me like this.”

Merlin sighed. “He’s not treating you like anything, darling. He’s just making up for lost time.”

“No, he’s treating me like he’s your husband and I’m your side piece - which is basically true - and you’re letting him.”

A deep frown set itself on Merlin’s face. “I don’t think that’s how it is.”

“Yes, it is. Every time he ‘lets’ me have you for the night - you know he’s actually said that to me more than once, that I can borrow you for the night? Every time I mention to him that I’m thinking of making plans - because y’know, I stick to what we agreed - and he already has some that he never bothered telling me about, every time he conveniently thinks to bring you lunch but only ever on my free days, like he doesn’t give a shit whether I might wanna do something, like he doesn’t want me to have _any_ time with you. I even did try to surprise you once but ran into him and he basically told me to fuck off because his was better. What about the time _I’m_ losing with you, Merlin? When do we get to make that up? Because you’re not mine right now, not in any of the ways that matter. He gets to do all the husbandy stuff and I’m just the one he lets you fuck.” 

“Don’t say that.” Merlin winced at the accusation. Of course Eggsy was more than that. Far more. He was attracted to him, no doubt about it, but he’d fallen in love with him before long before he’d acted on that. They’d agreed to marry before they’d even slept together. Their relationship had never been about that and that certainly wasn’t all it was just because Harry was back, not to Merlin. Eggsy carried right on as if he hadn’t said a word.

“And d’you know how easy it would be for me to give him a taste of his own medicine, to throw all the shit that he pulls right back at him? Do you know how many times I’ve come this close,” he held his thumb and his forefinger barely a millimetre apart, “to going off at him about it? Or making it the competition that he obviously fucking wants, but no. I just remind him to tell me next time or some other bullshit. I just roll over and I’m sick of it, babe. I don’t go to battle against him because I know what an awkward position it would put you in. I make myself weak against him because I know how fucking hard it would be for you if I didn’t but when do you ever have my back in all this? Do you understand how hard I fight against myself for you, and when do you _ever_ fight for me?”

“This isn’t supposed to be about fighting. I’m sure he’s not doing it on purpose. I’m sure it’s still just adjusting, getting used to having to tell you these things.” He wanted to believe that Harry was trying, because he’d asked him to. He didn’t want to think that he was making things difficult for Eggsy on purpose.

“And there you go again.” Eggsy threw his hands up. “Of course it’s on purpose, he’s been at it for months and he’s doing all of it right under your nose.” He stepped closer to Merlin, looking him dead in the eye. “I told you at the start of all this that you would go back to him and that he would not back down until he had you all to himself, and I was right.”

“Eggsy-“

“Don’t. I don’t wanna hear it. Just go and enjoy your fucking dinner, yeah?”

Eggsy stalked off towards the stairs with Merlin calling after him. “Eggsy, wait a second. I can cancel, we’ll curl up and have a curry on the sofa like you wanted, okay?”

“Honestly, don’t bother.” It wasn’t supposed to be because that’s what he wanted. Merlin was supposed to want to spend a quiet night in with him and watch crappy TV shows with full bellies, the simple things they did that made them happy before Harry came back. And if he didn’t want to, Eggsy weren’t gonna beg him. Merlin sought him out when he got home but didn’t have to look too far; Eggsy was sitting at the kitchen table, his knees pulled up to his chest, head leaning against the wall and cold food barely touched on the table. “Hey.”

“Hello, darling.” Merlin looked at him properly and paused in pulling his tie off. “You’ve been crying.”

“I’ve been thinking.”

He frowned as he pulled his tie the rest of the way off. “Right…”

“Sit down, babe.” Merlin did as he was told and waited for Eggsy to speak. It was a long few moments of silence before he did. “I’ve worked so hard at all of this. I’ve tried to be considerate of the fact that you and Harry have missed out on two years together. I’ve been trying and trying and fucking trying to make this whole thing work. And I deserve more than what I’m getting back.”

“I’m sorry. I know I was dismissive earlier and-”

“Don’t. Just let me talk, please.” Merlin closed his mouth but his heart raced. Eggsy was quiet and calm and that worried him more than the shouting before he’d gone out. “We all knew that this would take time to settle and I thought we’d get to a point of balancing things out. But it’s been months and we have settled but only in that Harry’s clearly come out on top. Either me and Harry are equal or we’re not. If we are, Harry needs to start acting like it and you need to stop letting him get away with the shit that he does.” Eggsy’s breath hitched and tears sprung to his eyes. He forced himself to take a breath. “And if we’re not, then I’m done. I really don’t think we are and I don’t think I ever will.”

“You are. To me, you are.”

Eggsy shook his head. “We’ve been through this before though, ain’t we? And yet here we are having the same conversation again. It’s not about what you say any more, babe, it’s about what you do. I mean, did you even talk to him tonight about any of the things I said? Did you call him out on any of it?”

Shame washed over him. He wished he had. He’d thought about it but thought maybe it was something he and Eggsy should talk about properly first. But no matter the reason, the answer was the same and certainly the wrong one. “No.”

“Course you didn’t. Wouldn’t wanna hurt Harry’s feelings, would we?” Eggsy tipped his head back against the wall again, tears building until he couldn’t see. “There’s nothing in the world that I wouldn’t try to make you happy but I don’t know how much longer I can do this as it is. I can’t spend my life feeling like I mean this little to someone that I love this much.”

“Please, Eggsy.” Tears welled up in his own eyes as they got closer and closer to what he was sure Eggsy really wanted to say. “I love you too. I am so sorry that I haven’t been doing enough. You have no idea how much you mean to me.”

“Exactly, I don’t. That’s the problem.” Eggsy tipped his head forward again and the tears finally slid down his cheeks. He rubbed his hands over his face. “Can you go and stay at Harry’s for a couple of days please? I need to figure out if this is ever gonna work for me. I need to think about whether I can really be a part of all this.”

Merlin took his hands with desperation in his eyes. “Eggsy, I don’t want to leave you, and I don’t want to lose you.”

Eggsy gently pulled his hands away, wiping more tears away. “Yeah, well this whole deal was about giving you what you want and I get the shitty end of it because Harry always gets what he wants. I think it’s about time I get to decide what I want for once.”


	11. Make It Better

Merlin let himself into the house on the mews and shouted for Harry, anger clear in his voice. Harry made his way down the stairs, stopping one above Merlin. “Whatever you’re playing at with Eggsy, it stops right now.”

Harry raised his nose in the air a little. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do. And you can go behind my back and you can deny it all you like but know that I know now, Harry. I know what you’re up to and I’m not standing for it. It stops now or we’re done.”

“Oh, you’re back to choosing Eggsy, are you?”

“I’m not choosing anyone. The whole point of all of this was that I didn’t have to choose. But right now, the only other person that I have ever loved is deciding whether he wants to be with me because of you.” Merlin jabbed his key in Harry’s direction. “Now, if he doesn’t want to be a part of this for whatever his own reasons are, I’d respect that and you would get exactly what you want. But if you force him away from me, you will lose me too, I promise you that.”

“Because keeping him is all that matters, isn’t it?” Harry snapped at him, his spine straight and eyes cold.

“No. Because it would break my heart to lose him and I could never be with someone who would try so hard to make that happen.” Harry’s mouth fell open, just a little. “This might be a game to you, a bit of fun to sneak around behind my back to try and see if you can win me, but it isn’t to me. This is my life and my heart, and the hearts of the people I love. I know you love me and you want me and that you didn’t agree to share my time when you married me, but the same is true of Eggsy. He loves me just like you do. He committed to spending his life with me just like you did. But he isn’t trying to take me away from you.”

“He’s doing rather a good job of driving us apart now, isn’t he?”

“No, you did that yourself. You’re going out of your way to hurt someone I love and hurting me in the process, and you’ve been doing it for months. This is the most difficult situation I have ever found myself in and if you truly love me, you will stop making it harder for me.” Merlin stepped closer and dropped his voice, making Harry feel small despite his height advantage. “I am telling you this now and now only so listen carefully and believe every word: if you keep trying to take me away from him, I will leave you. And you will have no one but yourself to blame.”

Eggsy had a text from Merlin within the hour: _I’m not staying with Harry. I’ll be at the estate if you need me. I love you._ He ignored it. He ignored it for two days and then called Merlin fighting back tears. “I’m sorry. Will you come home? Please?”

“I’ll be right there.” Eggsy was curled around JB on the sofa but perked up when Merlin walked through the front door not half an hour later. He must’ve dropped everything. Merlin folded himself silently around Eggsy’s back and held him to his chest for a while. He tucked his face into his neck just to breathe him in for a moment and he never, ever wanted to let him go. “I’m sorry.”

“I missed you.” Eggsy pulled Merlin’s arms tighter around him and pressed back firmer against him. “I know we’re apart all the time but never with the idea that it might be forever. And I know it was my fault but it’s been fucking horrible. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, darling.” Merlin pressed a gentle kiss to Eggsy’s neck.

“I know I told you I’d never make you choose and that I could give you up for all our sakes but I can’t. I deserve more than this so I need you to make things better,” Eggsy wiped at his eyes and Merlin felt the hitch of his breath. “Or I need you to leave me. Because I’m not happy like this but I’ll never be able to walk away from you.” He twisted to face Merlin with tears making tracks down his face and cupped his cheek in a hand that Merlin pushed into without thinking. “I’m sorry I can’t make things easy but I love you so much. I can’t just walk away.”

Tears fell from Merlin’s own eyes as he kissed Eggsy, hard. “I don’t want you to walk away. You have nothing to be sorry for, _I’m_ sorry. I will make things better.” Another desperate kiss to Eggsy’s lips. “I promise I’ll make things better, I’m sorry. I love you so much.”

Eggsy set JB aside and flung his arms around Merlin’s neck, climbing into his lap and holding him as tight as he could in the process. “I’m so sorry I sent you away.”

“Don’t be.” Merlin wrapped his arms tight around Eggsy’s waist and tucked his face into his neck. “I’m sorry I’ve let Harry run the show and that I haven’t put you first. I’m sorry I didn’t notice how much of an arse he was being and that we’ve made you so unhappy. I’m sorry I was so selfish, that I was too focused on how happy I am to have you both in my life to see what it was doing to you.”

“It’s not your fault, babe, you’re not selfish. I know you missed him and you just wanna make up for it. I know it’s not on purpose.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Merlin pulled back and cupped Eggsy’s face in his hands. “I fucked up. I’ll make things right. I promise I will fight for you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Merlin meant it, he would do whatever he needed to to make Eggsy happy. He felt foolish for letting himself be so blinded by his love for Harry that he didn’t see the games he was playing, guilty for how miserable their situation was making Eggsy and devastated at the possibility of losing him. Eggsy didn’t demand his attention like Harry did and so, unforgivable as it was, it was easier than it should have been to neglect the younger man. Now it was time to make that right, no matter that it would hurt Harry’s feelings.

He’d made no secret of how angered and hurt he was by Harry while he and Eggsy were apart, and while that only partially eased once he knew he hadn’t lost him completely, he knew he had to give Harry a chance to behave himself if they were ever going to get past it and stand a chance of all being happy.

“I have some rather lovely plans for you this evening, my dear.” Harry turned up in Merlin’s office a couple of times a week with anything from flirtatious suggestions to outright propositions and Merlin never turned him away. On a busy day, he might give him a moment for a kiss and a promise of more later. On a quiet day…well, if things got a bit steamy in his office, it’s not like anyone would know.

“Not tonight.” He kissed Harry as he swept past on his way to other things and Harry pouted at the lack of attention. “I’ll be with Eggsy this weekend.”

Harry narrowed his eyes at him and Merlin raised his eyebrows, waiting for him to break. “Is this still about Eggsy’s tantrum? Are you making a point?”

Merlin sighed. “Get out.”

“What?”

“It was not a tantrum, he’s allowed to be unhappy with our arrangement, and I won’t listen to you disrespecting him. If this is how you’re going to behave, I have better things to do than pander to you so get out and come back when you’re ready to be mature about it.”

“You’re still angry with me?”

“For trying to destroy my marriage? Yes, I am.”

“Your marriage is right here.” Merlin gave him the same dark look that he had on the night he confronted him, the one that told Harry his time to change his attitude was limited, if not already up. Harry’s pout was back firmly in place for a moment but he finally gave in. “Fine. I’ll play nice.”

“Good. To answer your question, no. This is about the fact that my husband’s coming home this afternoon after being away all week, I’ve missed him, and I want to spend as much of the next three days as I can with him before he leaves again on Monday.”

“Oh, so I’m supposed to just let him have you for the weekend?”

“No, you don’t let him have anything because you don’t own me. You aren’t entitled to that time - or any of my time - any more than he is and you need to stop thinking that you are. We will spend that time together because we want to.” Merlin carried on working around him, his annoyance radiating off of him. “You and I have no plans so I really don’t care what you have to say about it and I certainly don’t need your permission.”

Harry pursed his lips. “Fine.”

“Yes, it is fine.” He tilted his head as Harry stood like a grumpy toddler with folded arms. “I wasn’t going to but if you would like me to make a point, let it be this: I belong to Eggsy as much as I do to you. You don’t lend me to him, do not ever treat him like you are again.”

“Well then I’ll leave you to get on with things so that you can finish work and have all the time you want with him. Enjoy your weekend, darling.”

Merlin ignored the barbed endearment and gave Harry a small smile although his eyes were still hard. “I plan to, thank you.”

Maybe antagonising Harry wasn’t the way to go but he’d started the fight and Merlin was going to finish it. Not that Eggsy couldn’t but he knew Eggsy would take all the blame for the tension it would cause on himself and end up feeling guilty for Harry’s wrongdoings. He’d already put up with more than he deserved, he would not let him take that on as well. So Merlin would fight for him - like he should for the man he loved, like he should have from the start - and if that meant butting heads with Harry until he backed down, so be it.

Harry still sulked briefly once Eggsy was away again but snatched the chance to have Merlin to himself for a few days. He clearly begrudged having to share again when he got back but he at least didn’t say it out loud. His actions spoke for him, though, as he still took every opportunity that he could to steal Merlin away.

“I bought us theatre tickets for next Thursday. I’ll be back on Wednesday so I thought it would be nice to have a night out.”

“Did you ask Eggsy if he and I had plans?” Merlin sat back and questioned Harry as he would ask a child if they got permission from their parents, and Harry did so hate having to ask to spend time with his own husband.

“No.”

“Well we do,” Merlin shrugged. They had rules in place for this exact reason and if Harry wasn’t going to follow them, that was his own problem. “We’re going out for dinner, we have a reservation.”

Harry folding his arms and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Well that’s convenient.”

“What, would you like to see the booking?” Harry pursed his lips. He wouldn’t be petty enough to say so but he did. “Fine.” Merlin pulled out his phone and showed Harry the confirmation. “One of the things that you both agreed was that you would check whether the other has plans with me before you make any of your own.”

“He didn’t check with me about that.”

“He didn’t have to, I made the reservation and I already knew we weren’t doing anything. You didn’t check with either of us, you just assumed that I would be free because you wanted me to be.”

“But you can change your reservation, I can’t exchange the tickets.”

“Well then you shouldn’t have bought them.” Harry’s annoyance was clear but Merlin refused to budge. “You knew you should’ve asked, you gambled and you lost. Eggsy’s going away on Friday and as we’re all too aware, he might not come back. We always have dinner the night before he leaves, I’m not changing it, Harry.”

“Of course.” He hated having to compete for Merlin’s time but he did settle a bit with his reasoning. As much as he hated that Merlin cared so deeply for someone else, he understood why that meant he had to admit defeat for the night. It would always be true that every time Merlin sees either of them off on a mission could the last time he sees them at all and Harry would never try to deprive his husband of his last night with someone he loves. “Of course you shouldn’t change it, I was being selfish. I can get us tickets for another night.”

Merlin honestly felt bad for wearing Harry down, especially because he knew where all of his lashing out came from, but what he was doing had to be done for his happiness and for Eggsy’s and it seemed to be working. He loved Harry and before he died, Merlin would never have wanted anything but to spend every day with him but Harry wasn’t the only one for him any more. It was true that he and Eggsy had been missing out on time together and he was glad to have it back. Eggsy seemed more at ease having a bit more time with him and knowing that Merlin was willing to fight for him. Harry’s ego may be wounded by his refusal to put him first but Merlin was sure he’d get over it and that it would all be for the best in the end.

“Hello, dear. I brought soup for you.” He left the container of soup on Merlin’s desk and a kiss on his lips.

“Oh. Thank you but Eggsy and I are going out for lunch.”

Harry sat and neatly crossed his legs. “Are you teaching me another lesson?”

“I’m not but the fact that you think I might be means that you’ve done something wrong and you know it so I think you might’ve learnt one anyway.”

“It isn’t wrong to surprise my husband with lunch.”

“When you choose the only day of the week when you know Eggsy’s free to eat with me, I think it might be.” Harry didn’t deny it. In fact, he looked rather guilty. Merlin sighed softly. “Harry, I’m not doing these things to hurt you. I don’t enjoy saying no to you or knowing that I’m disappointing you but I really don’t want you trying to one-up each other or fighting over me. I just want us all to live our lives as peacefully as we can. For us to do that, I need you to realise that Eggsy is as much my husband as you are. He deserves my love and my time and my affection just as much as you do. This hasn’t been about choosing him to teach you a lesson, it’s about making sure you stick to what you agreed and respect my relationship with Eggsy. I would never try to hurt either of you, I’m just trying to be fair.” He took Harry’s hands in his. “I know that all of this is you being possessive because you don’t want to lose me but Eggsy isn’t a threat to you. He won’t ever steal me away from you - he doesn’t want to and just like I wouldn’t let you take me from him, I wouldn’t let him. I love both of you. I want to be with both of you. But that can’t happen with you two at loggerheads or with either of you taking swipes at the other, I can’t live like that. It’s already made Eggsy unhappy, it’s making me unhappy and eventually it will make you unhappy too. No one is asking you to give me up, Harry, we’re just asking you compromise and mean it. I’m sorry that you couldn’t come back to what you left and if you truly can’t be happy with this relationship then you need to tell me that and we need to figure out what to do, but if it’s just the principal of having me to yourself then I’m asking you to let that go. I’m asking you to let me be happy. Please.”

Harry held onto his hands tighter and frowned. “I do want you to be happy. I just want you to be happy with me.”

“I am, Harry, I really am. I’m just happy with Eggsy too. He has never, could never and will never replace you, I love you as much as I ever have. You have nothing to be scared of. I will always belong to you, I still want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I want Eggsy to be part of our lives too. I need him to be part of mine.”

“It feels wrong not to fight for you.”

“You don’t have to, you already have me. I just want the fighting to stop.” He looked into Harry’s damp eyes. “With no games, no tricks, be honest with me. Are you telling me you can’t do this?”

Harry sighed softly. “No, I’m not. I wanted to give it a try, I just didn’t expect it to be this hard. I hate knowing that there’s someone else for you. I hate knowing that I could lose you to him at any moment.”

“You won’t. I promise you won’t.” He brought Harry’s hands to his lips and pressed kisses to his knuckles. “I think we need to start again. You and Eggsy need to smooth things over and let’s give this another go, shall we?”

“Yes. You’re right.” Harry sniffled a little so Merlin stood and pulled him into a hug. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been so selfish. I didn’t think about how I was making either of you feel, I just wanted you.”

“You have me.” He pressed a slow kiss to Harry’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” And he did recognise that he had some making up to do. Merlin had told him when he was first back not to burn any bridges and he wished he’d listened. He only hoped that Eggsy could forgive him. He gave it a few days to try and show that he was done trying to mess things up before he sought Eggsy out. “I’d like to speak to you.”

It was obvious what he wanted to talk about, it was only ever about Merlin. Eggsy kept walking, forcing Harry to fall into step with him. “I’ll pass, thanks. I already know you fucking hate me, I don’t need to have a whole conversation about it. We can just stay out of each other’s way and we’ll all live happily ever after, yeah?”

“I don’t hate you, Eggsy. On the contrary, I’d like to put all of this unpleasantness between us to rest once and for all.” Eggsy snorted a laugh of disbelief. “I mean it. For good, this time.”

Eggsy stopped and eyed Harry suspiciously. “Alright.”

“We could have a drink in my office if you’re not too busy?” Eggsy agreed and followed Harry, taking the seat and the whisky offered to him. “I am sorry that I’ve treated you the way that I have. I was scared of losing my husband. And truth be told, I was incredibly jealous. It didn’t start with me trying to be cruel to you. I really was just trying to get back what I had with Merlin, and you were so accommodating. I got used to having him mostly to myself but I have to admit that I didn’t want to share him at all. I did want him to be mine and only mine. Some of my transgressions were accidental but when you were always so forgiving of them, I saw an opportunity. I took advantage of your kindness, and of course I hid that from Merlin. I hope you don’t feel badly towards him because of my actions.”

“I don’t.” That he felt badly towards Harry was clear.

“I thought I deserved to keep him just for the years I’ve put into our relationship. I hoped that I could eventually win him over completely.” Harry looked down at his own hands, a little defeated. “But I couldn’t.” He took a deep breath and looked back up at Eggsy. “When I realised that, yes, I was trying to hurt you. As I say, I was jealous. He swore to love nobody but me for the rest of his life and yet he completely adores you, Eggsy. And he did so quickly. A far better man than me, how could I not be jealous?”

Eggsy felt bad for him. He’d be heartbroken if Merlin moved on from him - he was, in fact, when he thought he was losing him. He had no idea how he’d react in Harry’s shoes and it didn’t make things okay but he was sure Harry was hurting too and he’d never meant for that to happen. He’d never meant for him to feel pushed out. He’d been feeling the whole time like he was the one Merlin would throw away in the end but he realised Harry must have been just as scared of the same thing.

“If I couldn’t win him back when I was trying so hard to and you were trying so hard to let us be happy, how easily could you win him over for yourself? To come back and realise that while he is still the only man for me, I’m simply an option for him...and I’ve never done anything as important as to save his life, of course I was threatened by you. I was terrified of losing him, Eggsy, I thought you could take him away from me so easily. And I still believe that’s true, I’m sure I was right about that. Where I went wrong was thinking that you would want to. My mistake was thinking that your motives were the same as mine but I know that you only had Merlin’s best interests at heart. I didn’t but I do now.”

Eggsy raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “Really?”

“Yes. I love Merlin, and I convinced myself that that meant having every part of him no matter what it took but it doesn’t. It means wanting him to be happy and doing everything I can to make that happen. You make him happy.”

“So you’re letting me share him now, are you?”

“No, I realise now that that isn’t for me to do. But it is for me to stop trying to sabotage your relationship. No more games. No more getting in the way of what you both want. I want you both to be happy, Eggsy. I’ve acted horribly, I disregarded your feelings and Merlin’s for my own gain and it’s completely unacceptable. I am truly and very deeply sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I’d like us to be friends.”

Eggsy nodded slowly and sat with his thoughts for a few moments. A small part of him wanted to shoot the apology down, to take Merlin for himself like Harry clearly thought he could, to make Harry feel how he had. But a larger part of him realised that that might make him feel good for a minute or two but then he’d feel guilty, Merlin would still be miserably pulled between them and this battle between him and Harry would only ever end in utter devastation. It was in his power to fight quite possibly to the death or to put a stop to all of it. He chose to stop. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be to come home after two years and see your husband with someone else. Especially when that husband is Merlin. And I know that you’re sorry. So yeah, I forgive you, there’s no hard feelings between us. But we can’t be friends right now.”

“Please, Eggsy. I just want to move past all of this.”

“I know, so do I, but it’s gonna take time. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad but I need you to understand why I’m not ready to be your friend. You made me unhappy, Harry. And I don’t just mean you upset me, I mean you made my life unhappy, for months. And I get that you were scared of losing him and you were jealous but I didn’t deserve that. All I did was fall in love and you caused me so much pain, on purpose. And I know it was all about Merlin for you but it weren’t just that for me. I idolised you and I grieved for you and then you came back and you were nothing like I thought you were. I had so much love and respect for you but you went out of your way to prove that you had none of that for me and let me tell you, that fucking hurt. So yes, I forgive you but no, we can’t be friends right now.”

The shame he felt was crushing but he had to face up to the consequences of his actions. Eggsy was right - he’d been cruel and allowed his possessiveness of Merlin to destroy a relationship with someone he’d truly cared about - and he had every right to turn Harry’s friendship away, for now or forever. “I understand. And I know I haven’t acted like it but I do respect you and I did value our friendship. I hope I can earn that again.”

“Yeah, well. Like I said, I need time.” He gave Harry a small smile and got a smile and a nod in return. “But if all this shit starts up again, I’m not just gonna sit back and take it. I don’t want a fight but if you do, you’ll get one.”

“I don’t and it won’t, you have my word.”


	12. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's not Friday for me any more but it is for most of the people reading it so close enough!
> 
> Thank you all for reading and hopefully see you for the next one. Let's get into it...

“Happy Birthday, darling.” Merlin had already woken him with breakfast in bed and had a bunch of red roses waiting on the kitchen table for him, and now slid an envelope towards him for Eggsy to slowly open.

He looked over the documents inside for a few minutes before staring blankly at Merlin. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m divorcing Harry.”

“I can see that but...what the fuck? Why?”

“If I can’t be married to both of you, I don’t want to be married to either of you. To me, you are equal; legally, you are not. And I still don’t think you think you are either. I want to change that.”

“But...you can’t just divorce him. Babe, you’re still together, I’m fine with you being married. Me and him are finally mates, I don’t wanna rock the boat, and if there’s any chance it’s gonna cause problems between you two, it ain’t worth it just for me.”

Eggsy did look genuinely concerned about how it might affect their setup. Merlin took his free hand. “It’s okay. Harry’s okay with it, it was mostly his idea. You don’t need to worry, it won’t cause problems, everything’s still fine.” Eggsy nodded, looking relieved. “And even if it wasn’t, it would still be worth it. You deserve everything. If I can’t be your husband - not properly - then the least I can give you is not being someone else’s.”

“You really don’t have to do this, babe. Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” Merlin took the papers from Eggsy hand and crowded his space, drawing him into a long, tender kiss. “I _**love**_ you. I told you I could never choose between you. That includes choosing who I’m married to. If it can’t be both, make it neither.”

Eggsy grinned against his lips. “I love you too. Feels bad to be this happy that you’re getting divorced.”

“I want you to be happy.” Eggsy grinned still when he pulled away but his lip started to tremble as he held Merlin’s face in his hands. Merlin held him close with a sympathetic smile. “This is supposed to be good news. You’re not supposed to cry on your birthday.”

A watery laugh bubbled out of Eggsy. “It is. It is good news.” Merlin frowned at him a little, waiting for him to explain, as Eggsy’s eyes scanned his face. “Thank you for going to bat for me. You could’ve gone back to Harry and your old life but you didn’t, you fought for me. I’m so lucky to have you.”

“I’m the lucky one.” Tears crept into Merlin’s own eyes but he smiled through them. “I will never be able to thank you for everything that you’ve done or repay you for everything you’ve put up with. Never. But I will spend the rest of my life trying.” He pressed a sweet kiss to Eggsy’s lips. “And I’ll start by putting on my nicest suit and taking you to Le Gavroche for dinner.”

“Are you fucking serious?” He held Merlin at arms length with wide eyes. He’d wanted to go for ages but hadn’t been able to justify the cost. Merlin nodded with an adoring smile; apparently he’d justified it for him. “Babe!”

“Happy birthday,” Merlin repeated, with a bigger grin on his face. Eggsy looped his arms around his neck and dragged him in for another kiss.

Harry stopped by to wish him a happy birthday too. He brought along a card and a bottle of wine but Eggsy flung his arms around him before he had a chance to hand them over. His eyes watered again when he pulled away. “Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me.”

“There is. I know how much it means to be married and it means so much that you’d give that up for me. Really, Harry, thank you so much.”

“Well, you’re welcome. It’s what you deserve.” Eggsy gave him a grateful smile and a small nod. “I still wanted to bring you these and wish you a happy birthday in person.”

“Thanks.” Eggsy took the offerings with a grin. “You wanna come in?”

“No, thank you. I’m just on my way to the shop. Do you have plans for the day?”

“Merlin’s taking me out for a fancy dinner. Kinda spoiling me.”

“Good. Take all the spoiling you can get.” Eggsy laughed softly. “I should be going but have a wonderful day.”

“Thanks, mate. Have a good one.” And Merlin did spoil him indeed. When Eggsy went upstairs to get ready to go out, he found a brand new suit laid out on the bed for him. Merlin had rushed and distracted him out of accessorising properly, though, and he understood why when he pulled a watch box out in the cab. He whined a little as Merlin slid it onto his wrist and fastened it into place. “Babe, you’ve done way too much!”

“For you, no such thing.” He leant in for a smooth kiss that left Eggsy able to do nothing but grin dopily at him. Their meal was as perfect as Eggsy had hoped it would be. He still felt a bit guilty that Merlin was splashing out so much but Merlin seemed happy to do it.

They climbed back into the cab satisfied but when they headed in the wrong direction, Eggsy frowned a little at Merlin. “Where we going?”

“You’ll see.” Merlin gave him a small smirk but refused to say any more until they pulled up near Covent Garden and he led Eggsy out. They took a little stroll around, Eggsy content to follow as long as Merlin’s fingers were entwined with his. Eventually Merlin stopped and Eggsy did with him, finally paying more attention to his surroundings than to the man next to him and realising they were standing opposite the Cambridge Theatre. Merlin pulled two tickets to Matilda out of his inside pocket and handed them over. “Surprise.”

Eggsy had grown up with the film and related to her a lot, growing up in an unhappy home and being underappreciated. It had taken him a lot longer but he’d found his people in the end. It filled his heart that Merlin understood and remembered what it meant to him. He tried to swallow around the lump in his throat and silently wrapped his arms around Merlin because he was sure he’d burst into tears otherwise. Merlin held him close, rubbed one hand up and down his back and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Fuck, I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Merlin tenderly kissed his lips and stepped to the side, his arm still loose around Eggsy’s waist. “Shall we?”

Eggsy rested his head on Merlin’s shoulder during the interval and accepted his final gift of a tiny tub of ice cream; and when the show was over Merlin took him home and spoiled him in the bedroom just as much as he had everywhere else. They cleaned up but didn’t bother to shower before Eggsy curled into Merlin’s side, littering kisses across his skin and not minding the slightly salty taste it left on his lips.

“You really pushed the boat out.” Eggsy grinned against Merlin’s chest. “Tryna drain the bank so you don’t have to give Harry anything in the divorce?”

Merlin cuddled him closer. “It’s not about throwing money at you. It’s that I knew you’d love all of those things, and I love you so I want to be the one to give them to you.”

“I did, it was perfect. Thank you.”

“Just like you.”

Eggsy let out a little snort but Merlin claimed his lips in a kiss. Eggsy sighed happily and rested his head on Merlin’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Harry’s birthday went much the same. Eggsy saw him only to give him his card and gifts - a fancy bottle of gin and a couple’s massage for him and Merlin - but Merlin whisked him off for the day. He’d had flowers and breakfast for Harry too, along with the posh chocolates he loved. He treated him to a manicure first, and managed to steal his cufflinks in the process and replace them with new ones. Harry gave him a ‘you shouldn’t have’ look but Merlin only teased him about paying more attention.

He spoiled him with a late river cruise lunch (he took a risk with the weather but it paid off, staying warm and sunny for most of the day), opera tickets and fancy cocktails, and by the time they were in the cab home, Harry was melting against his side. “You do spoil me.”

“It’s only what you deserve, love.” Harry very much had his way with him that night and Merlin was all too happy to let him. Once they were cuddled up in bed, Merlin stole a few more kisses. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you, darling. It has been a rather wonderful day. I’m very lucky to have such a wonderful husband.”

“So am I. I love you.”

Harry indulged in one last kiss for the night. “And I love you.”

Merlin’s birthday, Eggsy figured, would be the real test of things. But Harry did no more than wish them a lovely time when Eggsy mentioned wanting to take him away for a few days. He took him down to the New Forest for a couple of days. They could spend some time enjoying nature, they were a quick drive from the beach and although they were close to home if any emergencies arose, they were far enough for it to be a real escape, and they could only hope that wouldn’t be interrupted.

While he loved to spoil, Merlin wasn’t very good at being spoiled and Eggsy had to warn him more than once that if he reached for his wallet again, he’d throw it to the cows or the sea or whatever else happened to be a close enough threat. Eventually he decided it was safer just to let Eggsy treat him and enjoy it. And they did. They had fish and chips by the sea and ice cream on the beach; they spent lazy mornings in bed together; they packed their wellies and got muddy in the forest. Eggsy had all manner of little treats for him sprinkled through their days: chocolates that he left on his pillow, socks that he hid in his drawer, miniatures of his favourite spirits stocking the kitchen - lots of tiny things that were small enough to hide in his suitcase to get there but that would make Merlin smile a couple of times each day.

It was to be a surprise but they’d only be home a couple of days before Harry whisked him away again, on a no-expense-spared spa weekend for some well-deserved relaxation and pampering. He could expect champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries and facials, and probably some spa treatments too. For as long as he’d known him, Merlin’s guilty pleasure had been expensive stationery so it was tradition that Harry would buy him a leather-bound diary for Christmas and a cloth-bound notebook for his birthday. This year, to make up for the ones he’d missed, he decided it was time for a new fountain pen too, engraved with Merlin’s initials.

The three of them had lunch together on his birthday, Eggsy having given him breakfast and an extra little treat, and Harry surely having similar plans for that night. By the time Harry got to the restaurant, Eggsy and Merlin were already there, of course. They were stood at the bar with Merlin’s arm loose around Eggsy’s waist and the pair of them laughing together. They looked so carefree after their break. Eggsy looked at Merlin like he’d hung the moon - which Harry could understand - and the joy he brought Merlin was obvious. He’d so rarely seen them interact with each other alone and to see them so happy warmed his heart, the way it always should have, he supposed. He could tell that the smile Eggsy gave him when he spotted him was genuine, and the one he returned most certainly was too.

He greeted Merlin with a peck on the lips and he had the little glint in his eye that he’d always had when he saw him. He saw more and more clearly now what he was too foolish to see at first, that no matter what he had with Eggsy, he had an incredible husband, a happy marriage and a wonderful friend now. He was very lucky to have all of it.

They’d conspired for Merlin’s final gift. While Harry and Eggsy still wore their wedding rings, Merlin didn’t. It was uncomfortable to wear both and he didn’t want to choose so he never wore either, something that felt strange after having one there for decades and which they both knew he was still never quite happy about. And so they took both rings and had them joined, the two of them entwined into one so that he could wear them again.

The look on his face when he came back from the bathroom to find a ring box at his place was one to be cherished. “What’s this?” They both looked at him innocently. He took his seat again, suspicious eyes flitting between the two of them and slowly picked up and opened the box. He stopped dead, completely speechless for a full minute and Eggsy and Harry exchanged worried looks. They’d hoped uniting them would be a good thing but maybe they’d just ruined both instead. Merlin took it out, pushed it onto his ring finger and took a few deep breaths - he would not cry in the middle of the restaurant. When he finally felt like he’d composed himself, he looked back up at them both with eyes still glistening. “Thank you. I can never tell you what this means to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr @misterdevere


End file.
